Caryl W. Leightman, Esq. Email Us   527 S. Springfield Avenue Springfield, New Jersey 07081 Phone: 973-564-5644 Fax: 973-325-8434 141 Clarken Drive West Orange, New Jersey 07052   87 West End Avenue Somerville, New Jersey 08876

Caryl W. Leightman's Philosophy

I have been a lawyer practicing predominantly family law for 25 years. Before I became a lawyer at age 36, I was a full-time homemaker and mother of two sons. I did volunteer work in the community, among the poor, devoted my time to politics, and worked with domestic violence victims. When my sons were teenagers, I went through a break-up of my marriage. When I was divorced after 19 years of marriage, the collaborative divorce process did not exist. I understand what a client feels emotionally during litigation.

Consequently, I have devoted my energies to bring interpersonal insight and enlightenment to the table, even while I was mostly resolving divorces within the litigation system. My focus was always on helping my client shield the children from the legal process, but the court system cannot always be controlled, nor adversaries and spouses. With great joy, I trained for the first time in the California model of Collaborative Divorce(sm), a model of divorce created by two mental health professionals who then invited lawyers to engage in an interdisiplinary approach to "no court" divorce.

Since 1999, I have received further training in collaborative law, giving me additional insight into several approaches to collaborative divorce and a better understanding and knowledge of family dynamics, the legal issues in dissolving the unified family, and financial planning.

I understand that you will come to the table profoundly disappointed and often angry. I will create a safe space for open and honest discussions using both my head and my heart, helping you address the tough challenge of ending a marriage. I will help you create new family relationships by making your divorce a dynamic positive growth experience. Active listening is the key to being a good collaborative lawyer. I will help with my knowledge of the law, but also will help you establish a new process of communication by learning new ways of working together to end the marriage while building lost trust and new communication. I will help you learn new ways of working together with your spouse to reduce the likelihood that the same problems will recur.

What is Collaborative Law?

"Negative events don't have to be responded to negatively." Virginia Satir

Collaborative law is a fast growing and revolutionary approach to assist divorcing couples reach amicable solutions without court intervention. This healthy and enlightened alternative is a process that derives much of its inspiration from the information that has been generated in the science of psychotherapy. It involves an analysis of wants, needs, and desires in light of all available resources and creative alternatives. We understand that the best interests of all concerned can only be accomplished on a collaborative basis with solutions that are designed with the best interest of the entire family in mind.

With the aid of specially-trained lawyers and other trained mental health professionals and financial professionals, as needed, the client's attention is focused on new ways to solve their family problems, since old methods have obviously failed. Each spouse is represented by her or his own attorney, but all four individuals are committed to creating a setting for "trouble shooting" when problem solving hits impasses, rather than resorting to fighting in court. When negotiations are difficult, when frustration and perceptions of injustice grow, lawyers and angry clients often fall into the trap of becoming adversarial. While there is never a guarantee that all cases will resolve amicably, in collaborative family law both lawyers and clients promise and commit themselves to finding a way to resolve disputes in a manner that is acceptable to the other, even if the process of doing so is difficult.

Mental health professionals may be used to aid the clients in dealing with emotional issues and communication problems between clients so that the negotiations are not destroyed. Clients learn that child-related decisions can be more difficult, since each child has his or her own needs, often determined by their age and development.

One financial professional may be used to help design financial strategies that maximize the financial benefits for the entire family who no longer comprise one household, but two.

To maximize the potential for creative problem-solving and amicable resolution without any behind-the-scenes threat of court, each client contracts with her or his attorney not to engage in litigation. There is a promise that if good-faith negotiating fails after all efforts at consensus-building are explored, or if any party fails to disclose all pertinent information, then the collaborative process ends. Under the collaborative contract, all communications which occur during collaborative meetings, and documents provided, as well as the use of the collaborative attorneys and other professionals, are precluded from participation or admissibility in any future litigation. The collaborative attorneys must withdraw and new counsel for each party must be retained. All professionals involved in the collaborative process are precluded from being involved in the litigation process or subpoenaed by either party.

What are the benefits of the collaborative divorce?

The team concept benefits the clients and the whole family by:

Allowing maximum input of information needed to make good decisions.

Sharing knowledge is how things get done. When people get together, interact, and talk, they achieve results.

Providing an open, non-judgmental process that will accommodate changing circumstances as the family grows and changes after the divorce.

The clients are able to see techniques to respond to anger, grief, fear and other feelings without allowing these feelings to drive the dispute- resolution process.

Helping the clients learn to recognize, understand, and accept that their feelings are present but that they should articulate their real needs and interests instead of feelings which interfere with progress.

Tough problems can be solved through adaptation when impasses are reached. This requires the clients to get outside of their past roles and to find new ways to listen and learn. Clients develop new ways of knowing, by partnering with the other party to help create new possibilities, compromises, and creative alternatives.

Providing resources so clients can listen and understand the needs and goals of each other without dwelling on the past.

All of the members of the team engage in coaching. They encourage the clients to work as an integral part of the team. Coaching is designed to create the possibility for new and different results. The team allows clients to question and clarify their true priorities and facilitate the parties to distill and expand their thinking about how each client must help the other meet their collective priorities together.

Creating an atmosphere for negotiations that lets the clients retain the residual core of positive connection for those with children who will share life milestones in the future, or for those without children who still might share a deep bond with the extended family of the ex-spouse or just want to be allowed to remember the value of the past and part with respect and dignity.

Creating an environment that fosters feelings of human decency and self respect.

Clients often leave the collaborative divorce process having learned how to compromise, how to see the needs of others, how to experience success, and are equipped with new problem-solving techniques and better communication skills. They feel optimism that together they can work in the future for a new type of family relationship and be better at co-parenting.

LITIGATION

A complaint for divorce begins the legal process in the courts. The system pits lawyer against lawyer as gladiator for his or her client, often seeking a "win at all costs." The continuing conflict is aggravated by the existing painful emotions of the clients and the slow pace of the court system, which determines the length of the case since a judge may be called upon to make many decisions. Clients and lawyers usually have to go to court on numerous occasions, legal costs begin to soar, and children often suffer as conflict escalates. Confidential financial and personal matters become public record and open to public scrutiny. A judge divides property and establishes custodial provisions using standards required by statute, but which may not meet your family's individualized needs. Negotiations all too often take place in crowded courthouses under intense pressure since most cases settle, but only after damage has been done and substantial costs have been incurred.

MEDIATION

Mediation involves the use of a third party neutral to facilitate negotiation and attempt to bring two parties in conflict to a mutually agreeable settlement. Mediation encourages collaborative efforts towards problem-solving; however, the neutral cannot give legal advice, be an advocate for one party or the other, or propose a possible outcome. It is the mediator's function to monitor the needs of each participant so that negotiating occurs with as much relevant knowledge and information as possible, but the mediator does not make sure that both participants are completely honest, open and forthcoming with financial information. If the two participants do not have equal bargaining skills, are not both equally ready emotionally for the divorce, or do not have equal power in the relationship, the mediator does not attempt to equalize these characteristics. Mediators usually continue the negotiations until a satisfactory solution is reached, but parties can always walk out of mediation and proceed to litigate.

Avoid Being Pulled into the Whirlpool of the Court System. Choose Collaborative Divorce, The "No Court" Alternative

Resources

New Jersey Collaborative Divorce Alliance (www.njcda.org)

Caryl Leightman co-founded and serves as the first president of this group, which was established to promote collaborative practice and educate the public as to the advantages of collaborative divorce. The group members are independent professionals who have been trained in collaborative law and truly believe in the same collaborative process, thus ensuring that you and your spouse can each be represented by an independent advocate from this network of professionals and avoid any conflicts of interest.

International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (www.collaborativepractice.com)   

"IACP" is an international group which serves members, influences the collaborative community, and benefits the public. It is committed to fostering collaborative practice throughout the world and to protecting the essential guidelines of collaborative practice. IACP serves as a central resource for education, networking, and standards of practice.

Please email us or visit our website for additional information.