Daily Stories on Divorce & Family Law

Darla Atlas

The Dallas Morning News

I used to have the standard cellphone ringtone. You know the one: the little melody that keeps going up in octaves, like it's happily climbing stairs. But in mid-September, when my marriage was suddenly over, I put my phone on vibrate. At that moment I was in a public place and didn't want to hear it going off every few minutes.

But now, I can't even imagine going back to the happy stair climber. When I hear someone else's phone ring with that tune, it's jarring. It almost hurts. Because it's a reminder of Before, when what I'm living now is After. That's not the only change I've made. I had to go buy a few new shirts and pants, because when I looked at my old stuff – the clothes I wore when I thought nothing was wrong – they filled me with dread. I've changed my shoes, the curtains in the bedroom, the curtains in the living room. I now wear my hair straight every day instead of naturally curly. These are all superficial changes, but somehow they're helping me cope with the very deep change.

Source: http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/columnists/datlas/stories/DN-life--darla_06brf.ART.State.Edition1.4b818d4.html

Terri Russell

KOLOTV.com

Loss of job, furloughs, even pay cuts, all are possibilities during this down economy. What you may not realize, those dramatic changes in income may prompt a divorced man or woman to go back to court and get a change in alimony payments set down in the divorce decree. Even here in Nevada a divorced couple can find itself back in court after several years looking at ways to lower or even increase those alimony payments.

“We look at the length of the marriage, to determine how long the alimony should be. And if there is still alimony to be paid, we look at the financial ability of the paying person to pay more alimony and the financial need, if she's has more need she has a basis to modify, which the court will modify depending upon a combination of those three factors,” says Jonathan King. King has been a focusing on family law for the last 30-years here locally. He says every three years a divorced couple can, if they choose, review and modify child support--revisiting alimony can happen at anytime. "Alimony is always fair game," says King, that is if its part of the original divorce decree.

Source: http://www.kolotv.com/home/headlines/69001572.html

Reuters

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla., Nov. 3 /PRNewswire/ -- In the age of digital communications, there now are three sides to every divorce story: His, hers, and what's being stored by the phone company.

Digital communications, like email, instant messaging and increasingly text messaging using a wireless phone, has opened new lines of communication between people. This includes couples facing divorce. While email and IM are commonly used, most should be wary of texting. Why? Many people who text often will message their spouse, friends or even a lover with whom they're having an affair, revealing intentions, intimate details and negotiation strategies.

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS187839+03-Nov-2009+PRN20091103

Sam Margulies

Psychology Today

On many occasions I have written about the issue of mutuality in divorce. In few cases do both partners reach the decision to divorce at the same time. Invariably, one of the partners, perhaps the one with a lower pain threshold, decides that she just can't live with the marriage any longer, and notwithstanding all the loss and dislocation of divorce, decides that it would be better than continuing the marriage. Although the initiator can be and frequently is the husband, it is the wife in about seventy five percent of divorces who initiates the ending of the marriage. The non-initiating spouse may be close behind and may quickly agree that divorce is the best option. Or, he may be resistant, arguing that the marriage can be salvaged if only they try one more time and a little harder. In some cases the non-initiator is completely thunderstruck arguing that they have an acceptable marriage and is she out of her mind to want to put the family through a divorce?

The issue of mutuality is very important because the way it is managed generally determines whether the divorce will be amicable or bitter. As I have explored the reasons for this elsewhere I won't go into depth here.

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-grownups/200911/the-six-signals-divorce

Single Parent Gossip

Managing your divorce and custody is most likely one of the most difficult tasks in your life. What you want, what you need and what you eventually settle for are, in most cases, three entirely different things. Every divorce is unique and while it is generally best to avoid expensive lawyers, you may not be able to settle out of court, especially if you are in a highly hostile divorce in which one or both parties aren’t willing to compromise.

The obvious conclusion in such a scenario is that you would go to war and fight. You may have a good reason to. But you need to be aware of the consequences of such a decision and you may want to look at some alternatives. Single Parent Gossip has some food for thought.

Source: http://www.singleparentgossip.com/1012/practical-advice/settle-or-fight-should-you-consider-your-divorce-a-war/

DEB NICKLAY

Globe Gazette

Young divorcees may spend a lot of time negotiating issues regarding child custody, visitation and support — but baby boomer divorce can be a whole different matter. Social Security benefits, retirement savings, pensions — and debt — are all major considerations when considering divorce.

Gender plays a large part in older divorce, North Iowa attorneys agreed. Women who have divorced after a many-years marriage sometimes have little or no job experience, said Hampton attorney Mike Cross. “Who, for whatever reason, may have stayed home to raise children and have only worked small jobs, if any ... spousal support then becomes a big issue,” he said. Mason City attorney Rich Piscopo agreed. Younger couples will worry about their children; older couples will worry about money.

Source: http://www.globegazette.com/articles/2009/11/01/news/latest/doc4aed147d5d1a6224372244.txt#vmix_media_id=7072564

Kathie Mathis

Glendale News Press

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be aware of abuse every month of the year. California NOW recognizes that there is a crisis in the family courts. It has had hundreds of complaints from mothers whose divorce, custody and child support cases denied them their right to due process and failed to consider the best interests of the child. As an advocate for domestic violence victims, I have heard story after story, from mostly women victims (some men also) in what is called the Sociopathic Style Relationship ( www.sociopathicstyle.com), where their partner’s sole purpose is to “win” at all costs.

Unfortunately, for the victims of abuse, during custody and divorce, some family court judges, who buy into a pseudoscientific psychological theory called Parental Alienation Syndrome, collude with the perpetrator and harm the children by giving custody and visitation to the perpetrator. Family courts are to safeguard the victim but fail in many cases.

Source: http://www.glendalenewspress.com/articles/2009/10/30/opinion/community_commentaries/gnp-comment103009.txt

Karen Cheney

Money Magazine

When Kimerby and Tony Simmons were married last month at a vineyard in the foothills outside Atlanta, they participated in the African-American tradition of jumping over a broom - an act symbolizing their entrance into a new phase of life together.

For Tony, 41, this was the second time making such a leap, his previous marriage having ended in divorce. That breakup "put a big dent in my finances," says the software sales executive. "I thought there was no way I was getting into another relationship."

Source: http://money.cnn.com/2009/10/30/pf/marrying_finances.moneymag/?postversion=2009103004

Reuters

CHICAGO, Oct. 28 /PRNewswire/ -- The economy appears to be downsizing the frequency of divorce cases, along with jobs and salaries.  More than half of the respondents to the latest survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) are citing a drop in filings during the current recession.  In all, 57% of the attorneys have noted fewer divorce filings since the last quarter of 2008.

"The current economic climate is proving to be far more unforgiving than estranged couples seeking a divorce," said Gary Nickelson, president of the AAML.  "Forced to weigh damaged marriages against tight budgets and uncertain financial outlooks, many spouses seem more willing to try and wait out the recessionary storm."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS163008+28-Oct-2009+PRN20091028

Matthew Breen

Advocate.com

While gay marriage continues to be a matter of heated debate, the question of gay divorce raises complex legal questions. A Dallas judge speaks out on her ruling that could pave the way to overturning Texas's anti-gay-marriage constitutional amendment.

On October 1, Judge Tena Callahan ruled that a same-sex couple, married in 2006 in Massachusetts but now living in Texas, should have their application for divorce granted by the state of Texas. The former partners could not be granted a divorce in Massachusetts due to that state’s residency requirement. Her ruling found that the marriage ban violated the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution. Callahan’s ruling made national headlines, but the judge had been silent about her ruling until an October 20 meeting of the Stonewall Democrats of Dallas, the largest North Texas-based LGBT political group.

Source: http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2009/10/27/Dallas_Judge_on_Historic_Gay_Divorce_Ruling/

RON LIEBER

NEW YORK TIMES

W. Zachary Malinowski

The Providence Journal

One-by-one, day-after-day, the men sheepishly walk to the lectern in Family Court and answer questions about why they can’t possibly make their child-support payments. On a recent morning, Kervin Candelier fumbled through his pants pockets and pulled out a wrinkled receipt from Western Union that suggested he had paid $1,000 in June.

Candelier owed $6,900 in child support payments, and his former girlfriend, the mother of their two children, claimed that he only gave her $500 to pay for school clothes and supplies. He said that he’s doing his best, but he’s a barber and only makes about $230 a week. “Every business is slow right now because of the economy,” he said.

Source: http://www.projo.com/news/content/CHILD_SUPPORT_10-26-09_IOG52JP_v26.37ce26a.html

The Spokesman-Review

My husband and I are on the brink of divorcing. We have a 4-year-old, and I’m sick with the thought of messing up his life with something he didn’t ask for. Is there any hope for him to grow up into a well-adjusted adult with none of the “issues” from a divorce?

Not only is it possible, but there are also millions of children of divorce out there who won’t appreciate hearing that they’re hopelessly burdened with issues. That population, as it happens, has a message for you: Keep it civil, and keep it stable. No kid wants to be your referee, messenger or lead negotiator; no kid wants to be your pawn, bargaining chip or weapon of choice; no kid wants to meet a steady stream of Mommy’s or Daddy’s new squeezes – and, wow, no kid ever wants to watch from the sidelines as each new squeeze takes priority over them.

Source: http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/oct/25/keep-divorce-civil-for-childs-sake/

Josie Huang

MPBN.net

According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of Maine women are currently divorced, compared to the national average of 12 percent, and 12 percent of Maine men are currently divorced, compared to nine percent nationally. Why one state would have a higher divorce rate than another remains a bit of a mystery. "When it came to divorce, per se, we didn't find too many correlations," says Paul Taylor, who directs Pew's Social and Demographics Trends project. "We were able to correlate high levels of divorce with the tendency of residents in the state to marry young, and there was a correlation there." Residents in Maine, however, don't marry young compared to folks in other states. The median age for Maine women to marry is 29; for men, it's 27 -- in both cases, a year older than the national average.

So there are other factors at play. But what are they? "The issue is more about the working-class composition of the Maine population," says Brad Wilcox, who is with the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. Wilcox, who is also an Associate Professor of Sociology, says working-class people are more vulnerable to divorce. Many Mainers fall into that cateogry. Mainers make less money than people living elsewhere in the Northeast. In addition, the percentage of Mainers with college degrees is less than the national average.

Source: http://www.mpbn.net/News/MaineNews/tabid/181/ctl/ViewItem/mid/3475/ItemId/9490/Default.aspx#

Karin Price Mueller

MSN Money

Lisa Greene is starting over. Again. For a time, she lived a fairy-tale life. The divorced mother of two met a man, and they fell in love. They married. Together, they had another child. They built a million-dollar dream home. And together, they racked up more than $170,000 in credit card debt. Then, another divorce.

"Going through the divorce has left me in a financial situation much different from what myself and my three kids are used to," says Greene, 36. "I'm basically starting over and trying to come up with a plan to move on." Greene is faced with a very different lifestyle: one with little income, lots of debt and no one to count on but herself.

Source: http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/help-my-post-divorce-debt-is-killing-me.aspx

Diane M. Berry

Wisbar.org

In recent years, some forward thinking attorneys developed the process of Collaborative Divorce in an effort to minimize the bitterness and hostility that are often byproducts of the divorce process and to create a more amicable resolution to the end of a relationship. This manner of divorcing tends to provide a higher level of support for the parties and assists them in maintaining their relationship at a healthier level, which should enable them to more successfully co-parent in the future. But what about the children?

While the children of divorce do benefit from this collaborative system as well, they have need of additional assistance and support when faced with familial divorce. Grandparents can provide a crucial aspect of that support. When counseling grandparents, attorneys can provide invaluable assistance in setting the tone and stage for their role in providing care and constancy for their grandchildren. Further, when advising clients whose children are divorcing, these ideas can not only help to preserve the relationships involved, but also save clients years of frustration and heartache from being embroiled in bitter custody and visitation disputes.

Source: http://www.wisbar.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=InsideTrack&Template=/CustomSource/InsideTrack/contentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=86811

Harry R Weber

ABC News

A federal judge Monday tossed out a Continental Airlines Inc. lawsuit accusing nine pilots of getting sham divorces so their ex-spouses could collect the pilots' retirement benefits while they kept flying. U.S. District Judge Gray Miller said he can't condone the pilots' alleged actions. But he ruled that the law doesn't allow Continental's pension administrator to consider the employees' motivation for getting divorced in deciding whether to distribute benefits. Miller granted the pilots' motion to dismiss.

An appeal was being considered by Houston-based Continental, which said it paid out between $10 million and $11 million in suspicious pension distributions. Some individual payments were as much as $900,000, according to court papers. The airline said some of the pilots concealed the divorces from children and friends, then remarried their spouses after getting the money.

Source: http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=8865108

Jan Warner and Jan Collins

Orlando Sentinel

Q When we were married 12 years ago, my husband's parents gave us $35,000 to purchase our home. I always understood this was a gift, and that my husband and I signed some type of receipt for the money for tax or gift purposes. At least, that is how it was explained to me. My in-laws never asked for a payment. Then my husband left home, and now they have produced this joint note and want not only the $35,000 principal, but also interest for 12 years, which brings the total to more than $75,000. I work, but don't have the money to make these payments, and I was the one who ended up staying in the home in question. My husband is not willing to help. His parents now have a lawyer and are threatening to sue for their money. My lawyer tells me that they have that right. Is there a way to work this out in a settlement?

A While we have not seen the terms of the receipt/note that you say you and your husband signed, and while the issues that have arisen are best answered by your lawyer, it would appear even to the uninitiated that your husband's parents are engaging in a bit of "collateral pressure-cooking" in order to make you settle the case.

Source: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/orl-livsolo101909101909oct19,0,3391720.story

Shelley C. Gardner

SeacoastOnline.com

Charlie Reed

Stars and Stripes

Marine 1st Lt. Cole Johns’ dreams of reuniting with his children were dashed after he met filmmakers David Hearn and Matt Antell last year. He last saw his two young sons, Tetsuaki and Takeshi, in March 2007 before he deployed to Iraq. A few months later, Johns said, his Japanese ex-wife took them to Japan and cut off communication. He clung to hope that the court order he was granted would resolve the issue. "I kept saying, ‘I’m an American with a U.S. court order, I’ll be able to get them back,’ " said Johns, 29, an infantry officer stationed in Hawaii.

That prospect faded after Hearn and Antell interviewed him for their documentary "From the Shadows." The film chronicles parents who have been cut off from their children living in Japan by the country’s family court system, which does not recognize foreign custody orders and favors sole-custody divorce customs that typically grant guardianship to mothers.

Source: http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=65441