Darla Atlas
The Dallas Morning News
I used to have the standard cellphone ringtone. You know the one: the little melody that keeps going up in octaves, like it's happily climbing stairs. But in mid-September, when my marriage was suddenly over, I put my phone on vibrate. At that moment I was in a public place and didn't want to hear it going off every few minutes.
But now, I can't even imagine going back to the happy stair climber. When I hear someone else's phone ring with that tune, it's jarring. It almost hurts. Because it's a reminder of Before, when what I'm living now is After. That's not the only change I've made. I had to go buy a few new shirts and pants, because when I looked at my old stuff – the clothes I wore when I thought nothing was wrong – they filled me with dread. I've changed my shoes, the curtains in the bedroom, the curtains in the living room. I now wear my hair straight every day instead of naturally curly. These are all superficial changes, but somehow they're helping me cope with the very deep change.
Source: http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/columnists/datlas/stories/DN-life--darla_06brf.ART.State.Edition1.4b818d4.html
Terri Russell
KOLOTV.com
Loss of job, furloughs, even pay cuts, all are possibilities during this down economy. What you may not realize, those dramatic changes in income may prompt a divorced man or woman to go back to court and get a change in alimony payments set down in the divorce decree. Even here in Nevada a divorced couple can find itself back in court after several years looking at ways to lower or even increase those alimony payments.
“We look at the length of the marriage, to determine how long the alimony should be. And if there is still alimony to be paid, we look at the financial ability of the paying person to pay more alimony and the financial need, if she's has more need she has a basis to modify, which the court will modify depending upon a combination of those three factors,” says Jonathan King. King has been a focusing on family law for the last 30-years here locally. He says every three years a divorced couple can, if they choose, review and modify child support--revisiting alimony can happen at anytime. "Alimony is always fair game," says King, that is if its part of the original divorce decree.
Source: http://www.kolotv.com/home/headlines/69001572.html
Reuters
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla., Nov. 3 /PRNewswire/ -- In the age of digital communications, there now are three sides to every divorce story: His, hers, and what's being stored by the phone company.
Digital communications, like email, instant messaging and increasingly text messaging using a wireless phone, has opened new lines of communication between people. This includes couples facing divorce. While email and IM are commonly used, most should be wary of texting. Why? Many people who text often will message their spouse, friends or even a lover with whom they're having an affair, revealing intentions, intimate details and negotiation strategies.
Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS187839+03-Nov-2009+PRN20091103
Sam Margulies
Psychology Today
On many occasions I have written about the issue of mutuality in divorce. In few cases do both partners reach the decision to divorce at the same time. Invariably, one of the partners, perhaps the one with a lower pain threshold, decides that she just can't live with the marriage any longer, and notwithstanding all the loss and dislocation of divorce, decides that it would be better than continuing the marriage. Although the initiator can be and frequently is the husband, it is the wife in about seventy five percent of divorces who initiates the ending of the marriage. The non-initiating spouse may be close behind and may quickly agree that divorce is the best option. Or, he may be resistant, arguing that the marriage can be salvaged if only they try one more time and a little harder. In some cases the non-initiator is completely thunderstruck arguing that they have an acceptable marriage and is she out of her mind to want to put the family through a divorce?
The issue of mutuality is very important because the way it is managed generally determines whether the divorce will be amicable or bitter. As I have explored the reasons for this elsewhere I won't go into depth here.
Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-grownups/200911/the-six-signals-divorce
Single Parent Gossip
Managing your divorce and custody is most likely one of the most difficult tasks in your life. What you want, what you need and what you eventually settle for are, in most cases, three entirely different things. Every divorce is unique and while it is generally best to avoid expensive lawyers, you may not be able to settle out of court, especially if you are in a highly hostile divorce in which one or both parties aren’t willing to compromise.
The obvious conclusion in such a scenario is that you would go to war and fight. You may have a good reason to. But you need to be aware of the consequences of such a decision and you may want to look at some alternatives. Single Parent Gossip has some food for thought.
Source: http://www.singleparentgossip.com/1012/practical-advice/settle-or-fight-should-you-consider-your-divorce-a-war/
DEB NICKLAY
Globe Gazette
Young divorcees may spend a lot of time negotiating issues regarding child custody, visitation and support — but baby boomer divorce can be a whole different matter. Social Security benefits, retirement savings, pensions — and debt — are all major considerations when considering divorce.
Gender plays a large part in older divorce, North Iowa attorneys agreed. Women who have divorced after a many-years marriage sometimes have little or no job experience, said Hampton attorney Mike Cross. “Who, for whatever reason, may have stayed home to raise children and have only worked small jobs, if any ... spousal support then becomes a big issue,” he said. Mason City attorney Rich Piscopo agreed. Younger couples will worry about their children; older couples will worry about money.
Source: http://www.globegazette.com/articles/2009/11/01/news/latest/doc4aed147d5d1a6224372244.txt#vmix_media_id=7072564
Kathie Mathis
Glendale News Press
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be aware of abuse every month of the year. California NOW recognizes that there is a crisis in the family courts. It has had hundreds of complaints from mothers whose divorce, custody and child support cases denied them their right to due process and failed to consider the best interests of the child. As an advocate for domestic violence victims, I have heard story after story, from mostly women victims (some men also) in what is called the Sociopathic Style Relationship ( www.sociopathicstyle.com), where their partner’s sole purpose is to “win” at all costs.
Unfortunately, for the victims of abuse, during custody and divorce, some family court judges, who buy into a pseudoscientific psychological theory called Parental Alienation Syndrome, collude with the perpetrator and harm the children by giving custody and visitation to the perpetrator. Family courts are to safeguard the victim but fail in many cases.
Source: http://www.glendalenewspress.com/articles/2009/10/30/opinion/community_commentaries/gnp-comment103009.txt
Karen Cheney
Money Magazine
When Kimerby and Tony Simmons were married last month at a vineyard in the foothills outside Atlanta, they participated in the African-American tradition of jumping over a broom - an act symbolizing their entrance into a new phase of life together.
For Tony, 41, this was the second time making such a leap, his previous marriage having ended in divorce. That breakup "put a big dent in my finances," says the software sales executive. "I thought there was no way I was getting into another relationship."
Source: http://money.cnn.com/2009/10/30/pf/marrying_finances.moneymag/?postversion=2009103004
Reuters
CHICAGO, Oct. 28 /PRNewswire/ -- The economy appears to be downsizing the frequency of divorce cases, along with jobs and salaries. More than half of the respondents to the latest survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) are citing a drop in filings during the current recession. In all, 57% of the attorneys have noted fewer divorce filings since the last quarter of 2008.
"The current economic climate is proving to be far more unforgiving than estranged couples seeking a divorce," said Gary Nickelson, president of the AAML. "Forced to weigh damaged marriages against tight budgets and uncertain financial outlooks, many spouses seem more willing to try and wait out the recessionary storm."
Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS163008+28-Oct-2009+PRN20091028
Matthew Breen
Advocate.com
While gay marriage continues to be a matter of heated debate, the question of gay divorce raises complex legal questions. A Dallas judge speaks out on her ruling that could pave the way to overturning Texas's anti-gay-marriage constitutional amendment.
On October 1, Judge Tena Callahan ruled that a same-sex couple, married in 2006 in Massachusetts but now living in Texas, should have their application for divorce granted by the state of Texas. The former partners could not be granted a divorce in Massachusetts due to that state’s residency requirement. Her ruling found that the marriage ban violated the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution. Callahan’s ruling made national headlines, but the judge had been silent about her ruling until an October 20 meeting of the Stonewall Democrats of Dallas, the largest North Texas-based LGBT political group.
Source: http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2009/10/27/Dallas_Judge_on_Historic_Gay_Divorce_Ruling/
RON LIEBER
NEW YORK TIMES
Divorce tends to be emotionally gut-wrenching for the people who go through it (not to mention those around them). But most couples don't realize that divorce can also be among the most ruinous financial moves anyone can make. Sure, you could bet big and lose on a single stock or money manager. Or your small business could go bankrupt, taking your life savings with it. But divorce and the costs that often come with it -- from legal bills to the sudden need for an additional residence -- affect far more people.
The risk that any marriage will end in divorce is about 45 percent, according to David Popenoe, a professor of sociology emeritus at Rutgers University. The chances fall to about 40 percent for first marriages and decline further for college-educated couples, people from intact families and couples who share the same religion.
Source: http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20091025/BUSINESS/910251107/1036?Title=Talk-money-then-marry
W. Zachary Malinowski
The Providence Journal
One-by-one, day-after-day, the men sheepishly walk to the lectern in Family Court and answer questions about why they can’t possibly make their child-support payments. On a recent morning, Kervin Candelier fumbled through his pants pockets and pulled out a wrinkled receipt from Western Union that suggested he had paid $1,000 in June.
Candelier owed $6,900 in child support payments, and his former girlfriend, the mother of their two children, claimed that he only gave her $500 to pay for school clothes and supplies. He said that he’s doing his best, but he’s a barber and only makes about $230 a week. “Every business is slow right now because of the economy,” he said.
Source: http://www.projo.com/news/content/CHILD_SUPPORT_10-26-09_IOG52JP_v26.37ce26a.html
The Spokesman-Review
My husband and I are on the brink of divorcing. We have a 4-year-old, and I’m sick with the thought of messing up his life with something he didn’t ask for. Is there any hope for him to grow up into a well-adjusted adult with none of the “issues” from a divorce?
Not only is it possible, but there are also millions of children of divorce out there who won’t appreciate hearing that they’re hopelessly burdened with issues. That population, as it happens, has a message for you: Keep it civil, and keep it stable. No kid wants to be your referee, messenger or lead negotiator; no kid wants to be your pawn, bargaining chip or weapon of choice; no kid wants to meet a steady stream of Mommy’s or Daddy’s new squeezes – and, wow, no kid ever wants to watch from the sidelines as each new squeeze takes priority over them.
Source: http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/oct/25/keep-divorce-civil-for-childs-sake/
Josie Huang
MPBN.net
According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of Maine women are currently divorced, compared to the national average of 12 percent, and 12 percent of Maine men are currently divorced, compared to nine percent nationally. Why one state would have a higher divorce rate than another remains a bit of a mystery. "When it came to divorce, per se, we didn't find too many correlations," says Paul Taylor, who directs Pew's Social and Demographics Trends project. "We were able to correlate high levels of divorce with the tendency of residents in the state to marry young, and there was a correlation there." Residents in Maine, however, don't marry young compared to folks in other states. The median age for Maine women to marry is 29; for men, it's 27 -- in both cases, a year older than the national average.
So there are other factors at play. But what are they? "The issue is more about the working-class composition of the Maine population," says Brad Wilcox, who is with the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. Wilcox, who is also an Associate Professor of Sociology, says working-class people are more vulnerable to divorce. Many Mainers fall into that cateogry. Mainers make less money than people living elsewhere in the Northeast. In addition, the percentage of Mainers with college degrees is less than the national average.
Source: http://www.mpbn.net/News/MaineNews/tabid/181/ctl/ViewItem/mid/3475/ItemId/9490/Default.aspx#
Karin Price Mueller
MSN Money
Lisa Greene is starting over. Again. For a time, she lived a fairy-tale life. The divorced mother of two met a man, and they fell in love. They married. Together, they had another child. They built a million-dollar dream home. And together, they racked up more than $170,000 in credit card debt. Then, another divorce.
"Going through the divorce has left me in a financial situation much different from what myself and my three kids are used to," says Greene, 36. "I'm basically starting over and trying to come up with a plan to move on." Greene is faced with a very different lifestyle: one with little income, lots of debt and no one to count on but herself.
Source: http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/help-my-post-divorce-debt-is-killing-me.aspx