Since families and children are so important to the fabric of Divorcenet’s mission, we are launching our special interests section with child-related information. Today, we offer some suggestions on telling your children about your divorce.

Divorce will entail difficult changes for everyone in the family, and telling your children will not be easy. Your goal as a parent should be to ease the transitions for your children and to allow as much normalcy as possible.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry outlines the following tips for talking to children about divorce:

• Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
• Tell your children together.
• Keep things simple and straightforward.
• Emphasize that the divorce is not their fault.
• Admit that the divorce will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
• Reassure your children that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
• Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the children.

Similarly, New York attorney and mediator Michael P. Stokamer offers the following advice in telling your children about the family break-up:

• If necessary, explain what divorce means.
• Be patient; it may be necessary to repeat the information for younger children.
• Make it clear that your decision was made after a lot of thought over a period of time.
• Emphasize that the divorce is a last resort after unsuccessful attempts in dealing with problems.
• Do not express anger or blame.
• Tell the children, in the strongest possible terms, that they are in no way the cause of the divorce.
• Explain that there is no such thing as a divorce from a mother or father.
• Advise what they may expect on a daily basis, such as where they will live and go to school and how often they will visit with the non-residential parent.
• Assure them that they will always be taken care of and that their needs will be met.
• Tell the children that they should not take sides. Let your behavior be a role model.
• Assure them that both parents are working on the plan for the future.
• Listen to their reactions. Answer their questions and acknowledge their feelings.

Recommended reading: Let’s Talk About It: Divorce by the late Fred Rogers, the highly regarded host of PBS’ longest running program ever, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.