Though they make a living pulling the plug on relationships -- capitalizing on the broken-hearted -- divorce lawyers may surprise you with their penchant for matchmaking. Years of dealing with marital misfortune may have trained them to maintain strict composure and a degree of aloofness when they're dealing with clients, but their experience by no means has deadened their fervor for romance. Be forewarned, once you're added to their Rolodex along with their cache of soon-to-be or newly minted singles, you're more than a client or a colleague -- you're another match to be made.

Divorce lawyers see relationships at their worst, and they have every reason (on top of amassed anecdotal and case evidence) to predict when a marriage will fail. They're the first to dissuade you from trading rings and vows if they've noticed any glint of trouble in the forecast. And when clients trod into their offices with sagging faces and empty eyes, murmuring, "I think we can try to make this work," lawyers are quick to reply, "No, I don't think so."

Even so, divorce attorneys find some positives in their profession. Notwithstanding their clients' pending court dates, they're pegging their next dinner dates, too. Attorney Sharyn T. Sooho fixed a client up with a colleague nearly 15 years ago. Her colleague, Tom, recounts their first date: "We're at dinner, and who shows up? Sharyn! She said she just happened to be passing by." Tom, who often chides Sooho for her benevolent meddling, may not voluntarily admit to the success of Sooho's set-up, but he has been dating Sooho's former client ever since. With a little encouragement, he inevitably concedes, "It was a good match."

Sooho says she's not alone. With file cabinets crammed with names and profiles of divorcees, plenty of divorce lawyers simply aim to put their resources to good use. Sooho also introduced a client to the ex-husband of another friend years ago, and the two remain happily married. She even offers her services for short-term stints, such as the time a client needed a one-time date for a dinner party. Sooho thumbed through her eggshell-colored address cards, starting with the A's, then the B's, then the C's. After the G's, she had tagged five eligible bachelors, who she soon called and propositioned. In short time, each man contacted Sooho's client, met the lovely woman in need of a date, and, in turn, poured over the woman and pawed Sooho for secrets to her client's affection. Sooho's client was also smitten with the men, but only one in particular, leaving the others dismayed. At that point, Sooho in fact had to put a stop to the love-struck persistence of one of the losing bachelors. Knowing all too well which couples don't match provides a sturdy platform for choosing which ones will.

Don't misunderstand your lawyer. Divorce may be her career, but love still weakens her knees.

Thanks to: Alexandra Vaughn, Legal Assistant, The Family Law Advisor

In the latest news in the same-sex marriage debate, the Rhode Island Supreme Court has denied a divorce petition by two Providence women who were legally married in Massachusetts in 2004. The case is believed to be among the first where a same-sex couple married in Massachusetts sought a divorce elsewhere.

The December 7 decision rested on the majority’s interpretation of the legislative intent behind the 1961 statute [Rhode Island General Laws 1956 § 8-10-3 (a)] which allows the Family Court to handle divorces. While acknowledging that words may have different meanings at different points in time, the Court noted that “[t]here is absolutely no reason to believe that, when the act creating the Family Court became law in 1961, the legislators understood the word marriage to refer to any state other than ‘the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex.’” In light of this meaning of the word “marriage,” the Supreme Court held that the Family Court was without jurisdiction to entertain a petition for divorce in the case of a same-sex union.

To date, the Rhode Island General Assembly has not spoken on the legality of same-sex marriages performed in its neighboring state of Massachusetts. The majority emphasized that the judiciary’s job is to interpret the intent of the legislature through the law as it exists, but noted that the legislature is free to “enact divorce legislation that it might possibly deem more appropriate” so as to grant relief in these circumstances.

In the absence of further judicial or legislative action, it appears that one of the parties will need to re-establish residency in Massachusetts before a divorce is possible.

The opinion may be read in its entirety at Chambers v. Ormiston, No. 06-340 (December 7, 2007) (PDF document).

The District of Columbia recently enacted D.C. Law 17-21, the “Safe and Stable Homes for Children and Youth Amendment Act of 2007.” The Mayor signed the legislation on July 9, 2007, and the new law became effective on September 20, 2007, following the required Congressional review period.

D.C. Law 17-21 creates a new chapter in Title 16, numbered in the Official District of Columbia Code as Chapter 8A (§§ 16-831.01 through 16-831.13). Chapter 8A establishes the situations where a third party may seek custody of a child. For example, a third party may file for custody when there is parental consent or when that third person has assumed the duties and obligations for which a parent is legally responsible. The new chapter continues on to outline the specific circumstances where the court may take the next step and award custody to that third party.

The legislation recognizes the constitutional rights of parents and creates a rebuttable presumption that custody with the parent is in a child’s best interests. Therefore, third parties are permitted to obtain custody of a child only when the presumption is rebutted by clear and convincing evidence and if the child’s best interests so require. Section 16-831.07 describes the varying findings of fact that may be used to rebut the parental presumption. A child’s best interests are determined by “all relevant factors,” including the child’s needs for continuity of care; the physical, mental, and emotional needs of the child; the quality of the interaction and interrelationship of the child with his or her parents, relatives, or caretakers, including the third party; and, to the extent feasible, the child’s opinion of his or her own best interests.

The legislation also addresses related matters such as temporary relief, termination of parental rights, and modification of third-party custody orders. Read the new chapter in its entirety by visiting the website of the Council of the District of Columbia and following the link to the D.C. Official Code.

Getting through the holidays can be a challenge for any family, but it can be especially difficult for a newly-divorced family. In her Divorce Ain’t So Bad After All series, Barbara Scala, Life Transition & Divorce Coach, offers these tips for surviving the holidays:

Find Your Holiday Spirit

Where is your holiday cheer? Hiding behind anger you’re holding toward your ex? Or is there sadness because you’re not part of a couple or loneliness when your kids are not around?

Forget that. Instead, look for joy everywhere. It’s there in your kids’ smiles when they help you bake holiday goodies or in your dog’s wag as he rips open his stocking stuffed with treats. What about helping those in need by volunteering for a worthy cause at this time of year? Lend a hand collecting warm clothing for a coat drive or bring toys to kids in hospitals. Your holiday spirit is there. You just have to find it. Look hard, look deep, search. Once you do find that magical feeling of love, peace and goodwill, hold onto it all year long.

Celebrate Twice

Kids of divorce seem to find out quickly that they get the chance to celebrate holiday events, not to mention birthdays and other milestones, twice; once with you and once with their father or other family members. Why not carry that “twice as nice” feeling to yourself as well?

New Year’s Eve can be spent with your friends, a date, your kids, or just you. Going solo? For the ladies out there, why not light a bunch of candles, draw a great bubble bath, put on a mask and place cucumbers over your eyes while listening to old Beatles tunes. Get gourmet take-out and include a decadent chocolate dessert. Then watch hours of chick flick movies with popcorn while treating yourself to a manicure/pedicure. Get the picture? Spoil and pamper yourself and enjoy simple self indulgent pleasures.

On New Year’s Day, celebrate again. If you spent the 31st in that bubble bath, have a neighbor over for fondue, take your nephew to the movies or have sushi with your sister. The key is not to wallow but to get up and out, savor your freedom and find enjoyable outlets in your life.

Something Old, Something New for the Holidays

Ring in a new life by incorporating some new ways to celebrate the holidays while keeping some of your old favorite traditions. Bring out the family heirloom menorah for Hanukah but serve the meal on something other than your wedding china this year. Instead of feeling deprived of present opening rituals because Dad has the kids, create a new one of your own. And, who cares about a date on a calendar anyway? If you can’t be with your kids on the actual holiday day, declare another day of celebration with all the trimmings and fun.

Hold on to some time honored traditions of the past so the holidays have a familiar feel, but bring in fresh ideas and creative ways to be festive.

Source: Divorce Ain’t So Bad After All: Even at the Holidays by Barbara Scala, former attorney and Life Transition & Divorce Coach, published at her website, BloomOnline. Republished with author’s permission.

Since families and children are so important to the fabric of Divorcenet’s mission, we are launching our special interests section with child-related information. Today, we offer some suggestions on telling your children about your divorce.

Divorce will entail difficult changes for everyone in the family, and telling your children will not be easy. Your goal as a parent should be to ease the transitions for your children and to allow as much normalcy as possible.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry outlines the following tips for talking to children about divorce:

• Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
• Tell your children together.
• Keep things simple and straightforward.
• Emphasize that the divorce is not their fault.
• Admit that the divorce will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
• Reassure your children that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
• Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the children.

Similarly, New York attorney and mediator Michael P. Stokamer offers the following advice in telling your children about the family break-up:

• If necessary, explain what divorce means.
• Be patient; it may be necessary to repeat the information for younger children.
• Make it clear that your decision was made after a lot of thought over a period of time.
• Emphasize that the divorce is a last resort after unsuccessful attempts in dealing with problems.
• Do not express anger or blame.
• Tell the children, in the strongest possible terms, that they are in no way the cause of the divorce.
• Explain that there is no such thing as a divorce from a mother or father.
• Advise what they may expect on a daily basis, such as where they will live and go to school and how often they will visit with the non-residential parent.
• Assure them that they will always be taken care of and that their needs will be met.
• Tell the children that they should not take sides. Let your behavior be a role model.
• Assure them that both parents are working on the plan for the future.
• Listen to their reactions. Answer their questions and acknowledge their feelings.

Recommended reading: Let’s Talk About It: Divorce by the late Fred Rogers, the highly regarded host of PBS’ longest running program ever, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.

Welcome to our first entry on Divorcenet’s Special Interests. We are delighted to offer news, information and discussions on divorce and family law issues in plain English.

Divorcenet’s staff takes pride in creating and cultivating user-friendly content on divorce for the lay public.

Our contributing authors include divorce lawyers, mediators, DNA experts, divorce financial planners, collaborative law specialists, divorce coaches, and private investigators. They offer a broad range of services and experience from around the United States, and as far away as the People’s Republic of China.

Our Special Interests will feature the best and most thought-provoking material our Editor-in-Chief finds on Divorcenet and hundreds of other sources on topics like children’s rights, parenting coordinators, stay-at-home fathers, postnuptial agreements, custodial arrangements, same-gender marriage and divorce, and grandparent visitation. We will also occasionally feature books on family law, marriage, and divorce. We hope that our commentary will engage lay persons, researchers, lawyers, and anyone who has a vested interest in families and family life.

Enjoy, and be sure to send us your feedback.

The Divorcenet Staff