DivorceNet

Mediation 4 Resolution Email Us 138 Crescent Avenue Sausalito, California 94965 Phone: 415-889-5666 Cell Phone: 415-710-1708 Fax: 415-889-5669 316 3rd Avenue San Francisco, California 94118

Qualifications of Henry Koltys, Collaborative Divorce Mediator

Henry Koltys has over 30 years of legal experience and 21 years of parenting experience. As a collaborative divorce mediator, a child custody expert, divorce coach, a former judge, and trial attorney, Henry has mediated hundreds of cases and is very familiar with family law conflicts and paths to resolution. In addition to being a member of numerous bar associations, he is a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, an interdisciplinary, international association of professionals whose collaborative practice reduces the level of conflict between separating and divorcing couples. Henry limits his practice to mediation and coaching so does not represent parties in court or practice family law in California. Henry is also a trained Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) guardian ad litem, representing neglected and abused children who are removed from their parents.

In addition to his mediation, coaching, negotiation, and settlement experience, Henry has an educational background in mediation, counseling and guidance, and Alternative Dispute Resolution through his graduate and post-graduate education and numerous continuing legal education workshops. He is very skilled at coaching, guiding, and using non-defensive approaches with even the most difficult personalities. His years of experience and training combine to present a great bedside manner so clients feel comfortable confiding in him. They trust him to provide wise counsel and sound guidance within equitable and workable solutions.

Henry is particularly adept at working with couples in medium or high conflict cases to resolve custody, financial, and property issues. Based upon the agreed resolution determined by the parties, he crafts property agreements that accurately reflect the intention of the parties. He creates detailed custody agreements and co-parenting plans that ensure the children are protected during the difficult time of separation and divorce. Henry mediates both independently or with a therapist co-mediator, occasionally using a multi-disciplinary team approach with therapists, attorneys, or financial specialists representing each party.

Henry is Chair of the Sophia Foundation, a non-profit organization helping children and families in transition. Through Sophia, he is donating KidsFirst! custody and parenting software to family law courts around the country. Henry presents workshops for family law professionals on how to diffuse and resolve complex issues around separation and dissolution. His most recent workshop was held in San Francisco on February 3, 2007, with family law attorneys (including Certified Family Law Specialists) and therapists (PhDs, MFTs and LCSWs) in attendance.

Why Divorce is like a Death

Henry’s philosophy is straightforward: “Death, divorce, and separation are the three most stressful events in life, according to psychological research, so couples or families who break up receive a triple blow since a break-up is really a death. Those involved need to acknowledge this death and work through issues around grief, loss, responsibility, and guilt, whether through self-help such as reading and taking time to reflect or with trained professionals in group or individual therapy. Separation or divorce can be a tremendous opportunity for positive change, personal growth, and even transformation, freeing an individual to obtain peace of mind and mindfulness when forming new relationships.” Oftentimes couples are locked in a high conflict posture with resulting hurt feelings and deep anger that can not be resolved without understanding the true sources of conflict that may include childhood and pre-relationship issues. Collaborative mediation can help resolve these conflicts and maintain important family and business relationships.

Collaborative Divorce Mediation Serves Both Parties and the Family

Whether together for one year or twenty years, the interconnected web of relationship is difficult to untangle without professional help. Collaborative mediation provides partners with a roadmap to resolve differences and create clear boundaries around family, relationships, finances, community, emotions, health, legal, property, and the psyche.

Collaborative mediation empowers partners because they alone determine the processes and methods to achieve resolution. Because the past behaviors of the parties are responsible for their current situation, they are the ones who know the most likely common ground that can lead to resolution.

Collaborative mediation protects the parties because the mediator coaches them and collaborates with them. The mediator teaches the parties a language of deep dialogue that promotes a safe environment of mutual trust and respect, essential for clear understanding and agreement. In this way the parties feel “seen” and “heard” by the other, perhaps for the first time in their relationship. The knowledge, skills, and abilities learned by the parties during collaborative mediation can provide them with a stronger communication tools for future personal and business relationships.

Mediation is by far the least damaging alternative to other venues of resolving conflict, but especially litigation, where emotions are inflamed and relationships can be damaged beyond repair. When the parties feel safe they are more motivated to work together and craft an outcome in which everyone has ownership, compared to arbitration or litigation where the parties look to an arbitrator or judge for a decision as to who wins or loses.

Litigation is often described as a two-headed monster because it takes on a life of its own once in the hands of trial attorneys. Litigation involves discovery (interrogatories, requests for admission, depositions, subpoenas for documentary evidence, etc.) often followed by trial, all of which can be costly in time, money, and emotional upset. During and after litigation the children often feel or witness the increased tensions and animosity that happens between parents. They often feel forced to choose between the parents or blame themselves for the break-up and resulting litigation. As a result, the children often become emotionally damaged for life, which affects relationships with parents, siblings, and even romantic partners.

Using these four stages of collaborative mediation to reach a mutually acceptable resolution, the parties create a safe environment in which to collaborate and work through conflicts at every stage:

1. Confirming the honest desire to mediate and creating ground rules to ensure a fair and safe experience
2. Identifying all issues and exploring the underlying motivations behind the positions and the feelings
3. Brainstorming creative alternatives and evaluating all possible solutions
4. Achieving resolution then reviewing and signing documents that reflect all understandings and agreements.

Creating Parenting Plans and Custody Agreements

Henry is the legal expert behind KidsFirst! Software, which helps parents collaborate to create custody agreements and parenting plans. Nationally-recognized family law experts such as attorneys, therapists, mediators, and custody evaluators have reviewed and endorsed KidsFirst! as a way to protect children and promote positive communication between the parents. Clients who license KidsFirst! receive expert counseling and advice to help them get to resolution without conflict. KidsFirst! is a collaborative tool for custody and parenting that provides calendars with history tracking, behavior evaluations, child contracts, divorce forms, and even a “Safe Child Plan.” To learn more see www.kids-first.com .

Please email us or visit our website for additional information.