Florida Divorce Challenges for Co-Parents of Autistic & ADHD Children

Divorce takes on a different perspective when dealing with the custody of a “special needs” child.

Parents of children with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), Learning Disabilities (SLD), autism, as well as sensory, muscular and developmentally-challenged children, unfortunately face all the same strains on a marital relationship that other parents do, and so very many more.

It is equally as unfortunate that when the parents of challenged children take on their often admired parental roles, they fail to gird themselves with the armor necessary to weather the storms that face every married couple, like financial difficulties, infidelity, boredom, and outside influences and pressures.

The need to maintain the role of “lovers” that brought about the new role of “parents” is ever present with all parents, but even more difficult for the parents of “special needs” children. Lucky are the “special needs” parents who have a solid support structure in place, i.e., funding and additional qualified care givers, that affords them the opportunity to maintain their lives outside of parenting.

When the “special needs” parents, as other parents do, decide to terminate the marital relationship, the issues of custody and support take on whole new dimensions. What are considered baseline concepts for dealing with the issues of custodial rights and child support guidelines no longer fit the “special needs” implicit in this litigation.

Even the standard psychological traumas indicative of families in crisis are often distorted by the unique psychological component of their child or children’s developmental challenges.

Fortunately, South Florida seems to be blessed with a number of competent and conscientious mental health and medical professionals and jurists with the child’s “best interests” at heart.

It falls upon the divorce attorney to bring these two entities to the table, such that the experts can enlighten and the jurists can perceive the unique challenges facing the parties; and how, in no small measure, those special challenges broaden the existing preconceived ideologies and standard approaches to the concept of “fairness.”

The Florida Supreme Court has issued a mandate for therapeutic litigation designed to eliminate the stress placed upon divorcing families and children.

While our system of justice is wonderfully designed to deal with these issues, the economy is not. The failure of parents, individually or through their counsel, for whatever reason – economics or lack of understanding – to adequately address the problems to the judge or magistrate who is the finder of the facts, will certainly make the system seem grossly inadequate and patently “unjust.”

A team approach is best. The individual parties should be integrally involved in educating their respective counsel as to the unique personal special needs of their child, and input from expert medical and mental health professionals should be used to determine how to serve those present and long-term needs. The final essential is financial testimony and projections showing the court the sources from which the now and future determined “special needs” will be met. The obvious challenge, leaving the parties the ability to fiscally meet their own often adjusted needs as separate individuals, is often far more difficult, but critical.

In summary, the approach to dealing with the divorce of parents of “special needs” children often requires more than simple solutions, as these problems are generally extremely complex in their understanding and in their presentation.