Massachusetts Life After Divorce FAQ's - "Help! My 'ex' Won't Cooperate"

1) My "ex" and I have an agreement which says we share college expenses equally, but my "ex" isn't paying.
File a complaint for contempt with the divorce court.

2) Do I need a lawyer?
No. You can get the forms at the courthouse, fill in the information, and serve papers.

3) Whoa. That sounds complicated.
Yes and no. If you can't afford a lawyer, try filling in the papers. Many courts have volunteer lawyers available at the courthouse every day to help people with the paperwork.

4) Great! Will the lawyer represent me in court?
No, but if you run into problems on the day of your hearing, some judges give you a chance to chat with the volunteer lawyer.

5) That reminds me, how quickly can I get a hearing? My daughter needs those college bills paid now.
Typically, contempt cases are scheduled for trials within a few weeks.

6) Sounds too good to be true. I bet my "ex" finds a way to delay the trial.
Sure. Your "ex" will probably file a complaint for modification to change the provision requiring your "ex" to pay half of your daughter's college expenses. Some judges agree to hear the contempt and modification cases at the same time, meaning the contempt case slows down to a crawl, because modification actions take months and months.

7) You mean my "ex" gets to wiggle out of our agreement to share college expenses?
Not exactly. Your "ex" gets to ask a judge to change the agreement because of a "significant change in circumstances". But that's not an easy thing to prove. Anyway, some judges won't let your "ex" delay your contempt case with a modification case. They'll try the contempt case first, and then months later they'll try the modification case.

8) My head is hurting. Give me the bottom line. Can I make my "ex" stick to the agreement?
Well, I can't guarantee a result, but assuming everything is pretty much the same as it was when you signed the agreement, you should be able to enforce the agreement.

9) Okay, but things changed. I make about $12,000 more now than I did three years ago when we were divorced. College expenses have gone up, too. And my "ex" remarried, and has another kid.
Sure, things change, but the court wants to see a big unforeseen change. The changes you describe were predictable. You were working part time three years ago. You work full time now. College expenses have been increasing every year, and most people get remarried after divorce. No big surprises.

10) You mean my life is pretty ordinary, so I win.
Another way of putting it is: "the agreement stands".

11) No winners?
No losers.

12) Wait a minute. If I have to hire a lawyer to sort out all these things, I lose just because I pay legal fees.
Judges can award legal fees, and usually do these days, but not necessarily all of your fees.

13) I like that, but what happens when my "ex" gets a trial on the modification case?
Your agreement may call for the "winner" to collect legal fees.

14) You're right! But what happens if I lose my job and can't pay my share of college expenses?
File your own complaint for modification immediately.

15) But you said it would take months and months for the case to get to trial. Can my "ex" file a contempt action against me and win before I get to court with the modification action?
That's right, but judges know what it means when unemployment happens. They also want to see you make a diligent job search.

16) That makes sense. I'd want to get a job as quickly as I could anyway, but in the meantime, could my "ex" ask my new spouse to pay my share of college expenses?
No court would order your new spouse to pay.

17) Okay, but I know my "ex" is hiding money under the name of my "ex's" new spouse. Shouldn't that money be used to pay college expenses?
If you can prove the point. Judges like to see a paper trail. You'll have to do some investigating before going to court.

Not necessarily. Try "discovery" techniques first, like posing interrogatories (written questions answered in writing by your "ex" under oath); conducting depositions (usually oral questions posed by your lawyer and answered orally by your "ex" under oath),and requesting documents such as tax returns, bank statements, checks, loan applications, credit card statements, and so on.

19) Do I need the court's permission first?
No, once you file your contempt complaint, you and your lawyer can conduct discovery without the court's written permission.

20) Does that mean my "ex" gets to do the same things to me?
Absolutely.

21) What about my new spouse's income? Can my "ex" get that information?
Well, in theory your new spouse has no obligation to support your children from a prior marriage, but your "ex" may get to see your joint tax returns with your new spouse's income.

22) Isn't there anything we can do to prevent my "ex" from finding out what my new spouse earns?
Some people ask the court's permission to "redact" or cross off the second spouse's financial information from joint returns.

23) Should I file a separate return, not a joint return with my new spouse?
Speak to your accountant first. That may cost you a lot of money.

24) Any ideas about how to prevent this from happening in the first place?
Sure. Try speaking to your "ex" about the children's education before the children head off to college. Make sure your "ex" has a voice in the decision making. Talk to the kids about realistic choices based on family finances. Make sure the kids ap ply for scholarships, loans, work study programs, and contribute from their own savings.

As usual, the answers involve communication and planning.