Can I Save My Marriage? How Do We Stop Fighting?

1. Understand that even if only one spouse believes the marriage is in crisis, then it is.

2. If your marriage is at the make-or-break point, stop fighting over day-to-day things. They just don’t matter.

3. Instead, ask yourself whether the marriage can or should be saved.
    • If you both choose to save the marriage – or if you just don’t know – then this in itself is a good first step.
    • If either of you chooses not to save the marriage, accept this reality, and begin planning for your new life.

4. List the reasons for your own decision:
    • Determine your priorities for change.
    • Define your criteria for staying or moving on.

5. Listen to your spouse’s reasoning and expectations without anger or defensiveness.

6. Decide which set of future challenges you’d rather take on:
    • Those associated with saving your marriage.
    • Those that come with starting a new life without your spouse.

7. Talk to a trained marriage counselor, therapist, your clergy or a mediator.

8. Energize your discussions with things you do like about your spouse and your marriage.

9. Instead of fighting once again:
    • Take a break and cool off.
    • Consider a mini-vacation from each other.

10. Don’t get bogged down arguing about the past. Stay focused on the days and years ahead.