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The Ins and Outs of Contested Custody Cases
IN: Communicate with your lawyer -- make sure your lawyer knows everything. IN: Fill out all discovery responses within the time
your lawyer (or the rules, if you are representing yourself) sets out. You
can lose the right to put on evidence if you do not. IN: Identify what deadlines govern your case, and what
you need to do to assist your lawyer in meeting each deadline. IN: Dress the part. Come to court looking like
someone whom the judge would appoint as guardian of the judge's own children
-- someone the judge can respect. IN: Getting along. Unless the other parent is
abusive, has a drug or alcohol problem, or gambles, it is likely, in
Missouri, that the judge will want to make the two of you at least joint legal
custodians. So demonstrate that you can get along. IN: Taking an active role in your child's life. Change
diapers, go to Parent/Teacher conferences, know your child's friends and the
friends' parents. This will help make you a better parent as well as
increasing the role that a judge is likely to give you in your child's life. IN: Be willing to consider a settlement. Again,
if the case is tried, the judge is going to ask "Why isn't this case settled?" If
the lawyers talk about the settlement discussion, they're gong to give the
judge a fairly good idea of who was willing to meet halfway. Is the judge
supposed to judge on that kind of information? Maybe not. Is the judge
human and probably will be thinking that a person who takes intractable positions
isn't likely to make a good co-parent? You betcha. IN: Get ready whatever your lawyer asks you to get
ready. Copies of receipts, copies of checks, notebooks, logbooks, tax
returns, paystubs, children's gradecards, progress reports -- whatever your
lawyer needs. Get it and get it early, in case the lawyer needs to get a "business
records" copy once the lawyer has identified documents the lawyer needs. IN: Being polite and courteous on the witness stand. The
judge is "judging" you -- your credibility, your demeanor, your sincerity,
your character. The judge wants to see someone who is trying to do what
is right for the children and who respects and honors the other parent, even
if the other parent has made mistakes. IN: Let the kids be kids. Don't talk
about the case, unless they bring it up and then only to assure them that these
are adult issues that the adults will handle. If the children are older,
answer their questions in age-appropriate terms, and NEVER
be hostile or disrespectful about the other parent. Remember: This is about what is best for the children. Remember what Isaac Beshevits Singer is quoted as telling his publicist, when she cried out that his giving away a story to a not-for-profit magazine rather than selling it was a catastrophe. "Oh no, ma'am," he said. "That is not a catastrophe -- no little children will die from it." Honor the children. In the final analysis, honoring the children will give you the biggest win of all: Their love and appreciation. -M. Corinne Corley © 2006
Last modified: Nov 03, 2006 07:42 AM
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