As you begin the divorce process, sit down and identify the issues that are likely to be at play in your divorce. Make a list of your assets, and think about the other issues that may be contested. Then establish your priorities, both in terms of what you really want to keep and what you can live without. Doing so will serve to prepare you and your attorney for getting you what you want without spending unnecessary time and money in the process.

While some people believe that one spouse can get everything while the other is left with nothing through the process of divorce, the reality is that the division of assets, rights, and responsibilities is likely to be fairly similar for both parties. As a result, it is important for people facing a divorce to establish clear priorities, and figure out what is really important to them.

An attorney should be able to negotiate a fair and reasonable settlement for you if an agreement can be reached, or in the alternative get a fair and reasonable result from the court. However, the particular terms of "fair and reasonable" agreements and judgments can vary greatly.

One way to look at a divorce is to say that each asset held by the spouses, whether jointly or individually, is a card, and all of the cards must be placed on the table face up to be divided. Through the divorce process, each spouse takes certain cards, and there are any number of ways that these cards can be allocated.

By deciding which issues are the most important to you and clearly identifying your priorities for your attorney, you greatly increase your chances of getting what you really want from your divorce.

Identify Your Priorities

The first step in identifying your priorities is to recognize the issues that are likely to be in play. If you have children, the care and custody of the children are likely to be substantial factors in your divorce. Even if one parent is willing to concede custody of the children, there will undoubtedly be child-related issues in your divorce. These may include a visitation schedule for the non-custodial parent, division of school vacations, the amount of child support to be paid, the division of educational expenses, and the decision making process for child activities such as sports and summer camps, among many others.

The division of assets is likely to be another key component to any divorce. While the division may be governed by a prenuptial agreement if one exists, it includes dividing major items such as real estate, bank accounts, stocks, pensions, and other retirement plans.

Here is an area where establishing priorities is crucial. Are you concerned more by current cash flow than future savings? If so, you may want to sacrifice some retirement dollars in a negotiation in order to take more cash today.

Perhaps your main objective is to remain in the marital home. In many divorces, the home is the major asset of the parties. This means that whichever spouse stays in the home is likely going to have to offset keeping that asset by giving the other spouse a larger share of the remaining assets. Is this a trade off you are comfortable with? Or would you be better off by selling the home and dividing the proceeds?

Health Insurance and Taxation

Other issues that will be dealt with in your divorce include health insurance and taxation. For example, is your health insurance provided through your spouse's employer? If so, will that coverage continue to be available to you in the future? Will there be an additional cost for your coverage, and will you be asked to cover that cost?

These are key questions to ask prior to negotiating a settlement. If, for example, you need to have health insurance provided for you (and for your children if you have any) through your spouse's employer, and you want your spouse to pay for it, this may be something you can negotiate as part of a settlement agreement. However, if this is a priority for you, you need to make sure your attorney knows that, so that this is part of any offer of settlement.

With respect to taxes, is it important to you to take any dependency exemptions that you and your spouse may be eligible for? If it is not, you may be able to use this issue as a carrot to obtain something else that is more important to you.

Why is it important to make your priorities clear? For several reasons. By recognizing that you are not going to take everything, you go into the process with realistic expectations, and you are more prepared for your life after the divorce.

Give and Take

While you may have the greatest divorce attorney in the world, he or she is not going to be able to get you everything. You are going to have to give and take. Whether you settle or litigate your case, this is the reality. However, if you make your priorities clear to your attorney, he or she should be able to either make an offer of settlement to your spouse or make a case to the court that both gives you what you want most, and is reasonable.

Being reasonable is crucial, because it forces your spouse and his or her attorney to seriously consider your offer. In the alternative it informs the court that you are attempting to resolve this matter fairly, and it provides the court with a resolution it can adopt.

Having a clear idea of what you want most may also help to minimize the amount of attorneys' fees you pay. For example, if your attorney knows from the outset that you are interested in staying in the marital home and retaining stocks, but you are not so concerned with retirement dollars, then the attorney should be able to structure a proposal that addresses your concerns while making it palatable for your spouse by offering them a larger chunk of your lower priority, here retirement assets.

This does two things. First, it gets straight to the point of what you want, without spending time and money debating the numerous paths that your divorce could take. Secondly, it gives your spouse an idea of your priorities and what you are offering to them. This should either lead to an agreement that you both can live with, or else let you know that you cannot reach an agreement because you both are determined to keep the same things.

Either way, you streamline the process by knowing what each party's positions are, and then either negotiating or preparing for litigation.