Divorcing Parents Beware: Don't Ruin the Holidays For Your Children

If you are contemplating a divorce or going through a divorce during the holiday season, it is crucial that you don’t make your children suffer during the holidays, or at any other time for that matter. With some effort on the part of both parents, your children’s holiday won’t be a time they remember as adults as the saddest time of the year.

Save any divorce talk with your children until after the holidays. There is no need for them to associate the holidays with your divorce.

To help divorcing parents get through the holiday season, here are some tips that you and your spouse should consider:

• Don’t give your children too many gifts as a way to “make up” for the fact you are divorcing. Down the road, it will come back to haunt you.

• Do talk with your soon-to-be ex about what gifts each of you are getting the children. They don’t need two scooters or two of the same doll.

• If at all possible, try to spend the holidays together as a family. However, if you and your spouse are going to fight in front of the children, celebrate the holiday separately.

• If your children already know you are divorcing, be careful that they don’t believe that seeing you together is a holiday present, and that you are getting back together.

• Parents who are living separately need to start a new holiday tradition with their children. Allow your children to provide input as to how they want to spend the time.

• Don’t make your child feel guilty if he or she wants to spend the holiday with your soon-to-be ex. Remember, there will be many more holidays where you can be together.

For grandparents who feel they are getting the short end of the stick during the holiday season, here are a few holiday tips for you:

• If no time is available to celebrate the holidays with your grandchildren because they are spending time separately with each parent, start a new tradition. Have a discussion with your child about celebrating with your grandchildren right after the first of the year.

• Remember, the best interests of your child and grandchildren need to be at the top of your holiday wish list. This is not a snub. Don’t take it personally. There will be other holidays where you can spend time with your grandchildren.

• Support your child during this very emotional time in his or her life. Sadly, going through a divorce was never anticipated when he or she got married.