Post-Divorce Stress: Changing Custody

If you have children, chances are that your divorce did not bring an end to the turmoil between you and your former spouse.

As children grow, their interests and needs change, so problems arise over changes in custody and visitation. Even parents who work together experience at least one or two major post divorce crises involving children.

After deciding custody cases, one judge lectures parents about the probabilities of a change in custody after divorce because even "permanent" custody orders are only temporary. Sometimes children initiate the change when they enter their teen years, and add to the confusion by changing their minds. They ask to move back, just when you thought you got (or got rid of) them.

Tips on handling custody issues:

• Do not ask children to decide where they want to live or what their visitation schedule should be.
• Do consider the children's needs and interests.
• Speak to your former spouse directly, not through the children.
• When you reach an impasse, speak to a mediator, preferably one with plenty of experience in resolving custody and visitation issues.
• Ask the other parent before you incur large expenses for the children.
• Do not make plans for the children which overlap their time with the other parent.
• Be flexible, and maintain your sense of humor.