What is mediation?
Mediation is a family centered resolution process assisted by an impartial trained third party to assist the husband and wife in reaching an informed and consensual agreement.

What does that mean?
A specially trained professional mediator works with the separating or divorcing couple to explore both the short term and long-term needs, desires and goals of all family members. The mediator enables the relevant issues to be addressed to permit creative and effective problem solving. The couple actively participates in reaching a mutually satisfactory solution.

Does that mean I won't need a lawyer?
No. You will need a lawyer to consult with between mediation sessions as to your legal rights, or to review the agreement you have reached before you finalize it with the court. You may also need a lawyer to assist you with filing a complaint for divorce and completing the final hearing in which your mediated agreement is presented to the court as the terms of your final judgment of divorce.

What are the advantages of mediation?
The mediation process helps you focus on the future rather than the past and utilizes your lawyer as a resource rather than a professional who directs your actions.

It provides a supportive, non-confrontational setting in which to resolve the conflicts that arise over financial, parenting and other issues.

It permits and empowers you both to understand and gain control over the important decisions that will shape your future lives and those of your children, rather than giving up that responsibility to a judge.

It helps you both resolve the issues facing you more quickly and less expensively than extensive litigation.

It produces agreements based on principles of fairness that address and serve the needs of all family members.

It offers privacy to the mediating parties that is not available in the litigated environment.

What is the typical result of mediated agreements?
The individuals who resolve their own disputes are the most satisfied with the outcome and are the least likely to return to court in the future when issues arise.

Why is this?
You and your spouse know your family and its needs. An agreement reached by you and your spouse will be more likely to include the specific future needs of your families. You will be more likely to abide by this agreement because you were involved in developing its terms and provisions. You and your spouse will also have learned improved communication and problem solving skills in the process of reaching this agreement that will be useful to you in the future.

Do people return to mediation after divorce?
Yes. When problems arise that the agreement did not contemplate or if the needs of family members have changed, you and your former spouse may choose to return to mediation to update and revise your agreement to meet the changing needs of your families. This often occurs when divorcing parties have ongoing parenting responsibilities that cause them to continue to interact following the divorce.

Is mediation superior to litigation?
The litigation process can be very expensive and time consuming, leaving each of you heavily in debt, battle weary and drained, emotionally and financially. Mediation can avoid this, utilizing instead a cooperative problem solving process to resolve the disputed issues.

Can all disputes be mediated?
Successful mediation requires that both parties have a mutual desire to resolve the issues themselves, constructively and economically. They must be willing to deal with each other in good faith and cooperate with the mediator. The appropriateness of mediation can best be assessed and determined at the initial session between the mediator and the parties.

What if we can't reach agreement on all issues in dispute?
It is possible to mediate some issues and let the court determine the outcome in other areas of dispute if the parties are unable to mediate all issues. This shortens the involvement in the Court process and reduces the legal fees incurred.

When should a mediator be contacted?
For separation or divorce it is best to consider mediation as soon as one or both spouses have decided to separate. Mediation is also effective for post divorce conflicts arising out of changing needs of the families.

How do I find a mediator?
Your local court may have mediation services for custody and visitation issues that can be made available after a complaint is filed. The New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators (800-981-4800) and the Academy of Family Mediators (617-674-2663) maintain a list of mediators in your area. Mediators are also listed in the yellow pages of your local telephone book.

How can I learn more about mediation?
The academy of Family Mediators has a number of books on the subject available to the public. This is a newly developing professional area and there is no federal or state certification of mediators. You should inquire about the training and experience of the mediator you contact. Some mediation organizations certify mediators who meet their requirements. These requirement vary from organization to organization. Mediators frequently are attorneys or mental health care professionals. The selection of a mediator is an important decision. You should give this matter careful thought.