Infidelity and Divorce in Tennessee -- How a Private Investigator Can Assist

Over the past few decades, the American attitude towards marriage and divorce has changed greatly. When I was growing up, I remember hearing my parents whispering in the kitchen that the neighbors down the street were getting a divorce. Back in those days, divorce was something that most couples tried to avoid at all costs and when you were forced to resort to such action, you were often talked about by your neighbors in low whispers behind your back.

Today, the country has a totally different perspective on divorce. We are always hearing about the current Hollywood starlet and her husband battling over their pile of money, the kids, or the mansion. Unfortunately, divorce has become an all-too-real part of life for many Americans. In 2007, Tennessee had 62,149 marriages followed by 26,501 divorces – that’s approximately 42% of marriages ending in divorce.

We can sit back and blame Hollywood, the declining moral values of today’s society, or take on the responsibility ourselves, but the simple truth is that a lot of Americans just don’t take the concept of marriage as seriously as they should. There are, however, good reasons for getting out of a bad marriage.

Current statistics show that at least one spouse has cheated in 65% of marriages. Unless you have suffered through the humiliation of being cheated on, you cannot begin to understand the pain experienced with the realization that your spouse has been sleeping with another person. The resulting effects can be devastating. Other good reasons for getting out of a bad marriage include physical and mental abuse of you or your children, alcohol and drug abuse when your spouse refuses to seek help for his or her addiction, and other serious problems.

When these types of things occur within a marriage, all trust is lost. When there is no trust, there is no marriage. Depending upon the circumstances, you may need professional help. Moreover, for your safety and the safety of your children, you may need that help quickly. A good professional private investigator can be of assistance in many of these cases.

Many people think of various television characters upon the mention of a private investigator. Shows like Magnum P.I., Spenser for Hire, and others have built an image in the minds of many about what a private investigator is and does. The generated fantasies are romantic, thrilling, and sometimes violent. The excitement and drama draws us to the show week after week to see what our hero will be doing in the next situation.

In real life, however, a private investigator’s job is never like the Hollywood versions. Though often exciting and occasionally scary, a private investigator’s job is diverse and sometimes very difficult. Frankly, much of it comes down to extreme dedication and countless hours spent sifting through mountains of documents or late evenings poking through obscure databases, hoping to find that one shred of evidence needed by our client.

When it is time for you to decide whether to file for divorce, it is this type of dedicated professional that you want on your side. He or she will work tirelessly beside your attorney to insure that you have the best possible case to present in court.

In cases of infidelity, the Hollywood heroes were knocking down doors or peeking through a window shade and snapping a few incriminating photos. The modern professional investigator does not work in this way at all. This type of evidence would never be admissible in a court of law. Moreover, numerous city, state, and federal laws would be broken by behaving in such a way.

Infidelity investigations concentrate on obtaining evidence of inclination and opportunity. The term “inclination” may be illustrated by observing two people holding hands, kissing, or showing some type of affection beyond casual friendship. The term “opportunity” may be illustrated by observing the subject entering a motel, hotel, apartment, house, or even a vehicle where adultery could be committed with the other person. The professional private investigator can provide you with documented evidence of inclination and opportunity in the form of still photos, video, written reports, hotel/motel receipts, etc. In addition, the investigator will be able to document drug use, criminal histories, evidence of physical and mental abuse, child neglect, and compile a background check on the other person.

Judges are often forced to make life-changing decisions based on limited and sometimes inaccurate information presented in court. With this type of detailed information, your attorney will have all the evidence he or she needs to build a good solid case for court. Hopefully, the evidence will swing the judge’s decision in your favor.

If you feel that your spouse is cheating, look for the top fifteen signs of infidelity:

(1) The scent of cologne or perfume;
(2) A spouse who is distant to your attention, gives you the cold shoulder, is inattentive, etc.;
(3) New styles of clothing for no apparent reason;
(4) Sudden interest in working out when he or she has been a couch potato for years;
(5) Acting too close to your best friend;
(6) Hiding the phone or credit card bills;
(7) Getting hang-up calls;
(8) Excessive use of the Internet;
(9) Unaccountable hours;
(10) No longer interested in sex;
(11) New sexual techniques;
(12) Overtime hours not reflected in his or her paycheck;
(13) Finding hidden lingerie or condoms;
(14) Not wearing his or her wedding ring;
(15) Saying “I need my space” and/or taking trips alone.

One of these signs alone is not an indicator that your spouse is being unfaithful; however, if you are seeing several of them together, you may have a problem. It would be best to contact a local private investigator to look into the situation before you make any accusations. Once the offending spouse has been alerted to your suspicions, he or she will tend to change methods and will become more careful, thereby making it more difficult and expensive to obtain the evidence you need.

Most investigators will charge a retainer fee up front, which can be anywhere from $500.00 to $1,000.00 or more depending on where you live and the nature of the case. The retainer fee will cover the investigator’s hourly rate plus expenses, up to the amount of the retainer. If the investigator you hire is truly a professional, he or she will be state-licensed, insured, and will have a written contract for you to sign. He should provide you with a copy of the contract once it is executed. The contract should specify exactly what is to be investigated, how it will be investigated, the number of investigative hours you are authorizing, and what it will cost you.

When you meet with your investigator for the first time, it would be beneficial to have some of the following information and documents with you:

(1) Complete identifying information of the person to be investigated, including full name, date of birth, Social Security number, address, place of work and location, work schedule, vehicle description and tag number, and, if possible, a recent photograph.

(2) If your case is an infidelity case and you already have an idea of the identity of the other person, it would be helpful to have as much information as possible about that person. However, be very careful in obtaining this information. If it is not readily available to you, do not make inquiries of mutual friends, family members, etc., as you may tip them off.

(3) Keep in mind that the best days for surveillance are Thursday or Friday before a given weekend; Monday or Tuesday after a given weekend; the cheater’s/lover’s birthday; when planning late meetings or business trips alone; the Thursday before a long holiday weekend or the Tuesday after the holiday weekend; pre-Valentine’s Day (February 12th or 13th) or during lunch on Valentine’s Day; Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday before Thanksgiving when your spouse claims to have to work; company Christmas parties where you could attend in years past; December 23rd or lunch on December 24th; and New Year’s Eve. Any information you can provide your investigator concerning your spouse’s whereabouts and schedules on these day will be extremely helpful.

Most investigators can obtain almost all of the above information on their own; however, the more information you can provide in the beginning, the better off you will be, as it may save a lot of time and money. Just be sure the information you provide is accurate. You don’t want your investigator wasting time and money pursuing false leads.

The best evidence that you can present in court is that provided by what the court deems to be a disinterested third party. In other words, evidence presented by someone who is not connected to you or your spouse in any way and does not stand to benefit from the outcome of the case. This is where a professional private investigator comes into play. While the investigator is paid, he or she is paid to investigate, not to obtain a specific result. Good investigators will tell you up front that they do not guarantee a specific outcome to your case, but that it will be thoroughly investigated using every legal means available.

In closing, it is imperative to the well being of you and your children to take advantage of every option available to you when preparing for court, especially when there is illegal drug use, child neglect, spousal abuse, or infidelity. You do not want a judge to make a decision based on insufficient or inaccurate information. It could have long-term detrimental effects on your life or the lives of your children.