After divorce, you are hopefully looking towards the future and you are ready for new beginnings. Divorce is almost like a death in many ways. Your marriage and married life are over. You no longer have the person in your life who you once loved. You have lost your place in the world of couples and you may feel bitter, sorry, sad and angry- especially if the divorce wasn't your idea. On the other hand, you may be happy, delighted to be out of a bad marriage and eager to move on with your life. Either way, when moving on after divorce, there are some essential tips that you should follow so you move on in a healthy manner.
After Divorce Tips
- Allow yourself to grieve - Your friends, family and other individuals may be urging you to just move on, get out there, get over it. You, yourself, may feel happy and ready to move on. Still, it is important to recognize that something has been lost, and that you did once love that person and that he or she is now no longer going to be your life partner. Let yourself feel sad about this and give yourself time to go through the stages of grief, including anger, denial, sadness and acceptance.
- Don't wallow in the past - While grieving is OK, sitting home night after night crying into your pillow and looking through old pictures is not. You need to remember the bad things about your marriage, and you need to embrace the fact that now you have a new opportunity to do what you want in life. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Pursue hobbies, interests and dreams you couldn't pursue when married. Embrace your independence, and make your life rich with your kids, family and friends.
- Let go of the guilt - If you have kids, you may feel guilty about the fact that they will have to grow up without married parents. Don't. Plenty of kids do so, and as long as your kids are loved and feel safe, they will be fine. Issues of parental guilt can lead to overindulgence or overspending on kids that gets a parent into debt. These things can damage a child more than divorce.
- Don't jump into a rebound relationship - Take time to figure out for yourself what went wrong in the marriage and to learn to be happy on your own before jumping back into a new relationship. After being in a couple for so long, you may long for that safety again and want to jump right in with the first person you meet. Instead, make sure to think about what you really want and how you can achieve it and take your time to do it right.
Getting Help
Throughout the divorce process, you should have the help of an experienced divorce attorney. Your attorney can assist you in making sure you are financially taken care of in the divorce settlement and that you are treated fairly, so you won't have to add financial concern to your list of things you need to deal with after divorce.
