Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is manipulation by parent "A" against parent "B" so that the child does not want a relationship with parent "B." The existence of PAS is often dependent upon the child's reaction to the manipulation. Sometimes the parent trying to manipulate the child is unaware that she is doing so, while other times the parent intentionally maligns the other parent.
Manifestations of PAS
The severity of the maligning and the child's reaction to it may determine whether the behavior constitutes PAS. If a parent occasionally bad-mouths the other parent, the child may recognize that the parent is frustrated or temporarily angry. This does not usually constitute PAS. However, where the child doesn’t want a relationship with the targeted parent as a direct result of parent "A's" behavior, this usually constitutes PAS. PAS is generally not present if, despite parent "A's" continual denigration, the child wants a relationship with the targeted parent.
When PAS exists, the child may accede to the brainwashing and bad-mouth the targeted parent. Other behaviors by the child include his refusal to visit or have telephone contact with the targeted parent, siding with the alienating parent, claiming his refusal to have a relationship with the targeted parent as his own idea, displaying anger towards the targeted parent and his family, failing to feel guilt for the alienation, exhibition of hatred toward the targeted parent, and poor excuses for the hatred.
Parent Most Often Responsible for PAS
Generally there is no more likelihood for a mother or a father to perpetrate PAS. PAS is more often initiated by the custodial parent only because that parent spends more time with the child.
Parents as Alienators
Many factors create PAS, such as the parent's anger, frustration, and hurt. Counseling may be necessary for the alienating parent. Other alienators are narcissistic and may display a variety of psychiatric conditions.
How to Combat PAS
Going to court may be the best way to stop the behavior. A good forensic psychologist will be able to tell whether PAS exists, and it may help to call the psychologist as a witness. The targeted parent will attempt to show the judge that the child needs a change of custody.
Some states will absolutely change custody if parental alienation is severe unless the child is an older teenager who refuses to move. Other states are slower to change custody or sanction the offending parent.
Children can eventually bond with the targeted parent with counseling and possible removal from the offending parent's household. Since judges are reluctant to change custody in many states, it may be necessary for family counseling to repair the relationship.
