In determining child custody men often don’t do the easy things they can do to eliminate the mother’s advantage in gaining child custody. Most states consider what is in the best interests of the child when granting custody. There are usually several factors in making this determination. The best interests of the child vary from state to state, but there are common factors most states consider.
Primary Caregiver
It is common for states to consider the primary caregiver as one factor for determining who gets child custody. As gender roles change the results of custody arrangements might also change—but a father should not have to give up his role as “bread-winner” in exchange for custody of his children. A father should participate in raising his children whenever possible. He should get them ready in the morning and give them breakfast if they wake before he goes to work or he should participate in child care activities in the evening, after work. He should participate in making decisions regarding child care, school and activities. The more involved a father can be in his child’s life, the better for both the child and father and the better chance the father will have custody, or at least more parenting time. A father should attend doctor’s visits and actively participate in a child’s care.
Wishes of the Child and Parents
Another factor courts often consider is the wishes of the people in the family. The court will consider if a child has bonded with one or both parents and will try to respect that bond. If a child is so young that it is hard to determine a bond with either parent, a father could overcome that by expressing his desire to strengthen the bond between himself and the child. All parenting experts state that children do better when they are given support and love from both parents and a bond should be encouraged with both parents. A father should make his intentions to put his children’s needs first very clear to the court. Courts generally want fathers to be involved in the lives of their children so a father fighting to bond with his child is compelling for the court.
Family Relationships
The court needs to know that a father will encourage the child to form healthy relationships with the mother and extended family. It is vital that the father present himself to the court as a reasonable and caring person. A father who is overly critical of the mother may appear to the court as someone who will not be able to co-parent. Even if the mother is overly critical of the father, a father who can remain above the fray increases his chances of getting custody by demonstrating that he is the more emotionally stable parent for the child.
Getting Legal Help
A father should consult an experienced family law attorney before beginning the custody process in order to take the proactive steps he needs to take in order to increase his chances of getting the custody arrangement he desires. The sooner a father puts his best foot forward, the better. The result is a win-win for the child and the father because the relationship will improve while also improving the custody arrangements.
