Divorce mediation is a non-adversarial and cost-effective alternative to dispute resolution in which you and your spouse, with the assistance of an impartial mediator, make decisions that affect you and your family. The decisions reached through mediation can affect you for the rest of your lives. The decisions you arrive at are at the heart of, and form the basis for, an uncontested divorce agreement.
In mediation, the divorcing couple are the only ones who decide how agreements are reached. The mediator’s main responsibility is to assist in reaching an agreed resolution, not to convey personal opinions or what he or she feels is appropriate. However, the mediator will aid in defusing emotions as well as guide both of you through the difficult issues that accompany a divorce.
What to look for in a divorce mediator.
Divorce mediators come from many different professions. They receive special training in skills necessary to assist parties in avoiding contested/litigated divorces. It is important to remember that no matter how educated the mediator is, he/she must be able to work with couples and have the skills needed to resolve conflicts and assist the reaching of agreements. Experience in helping people is key for a divorce mediator. Ask the mediator how much time is spent on a daily basis working with couples.
Though divorce mediation is not marriage counseling, the question of saving the marriage is often explored early in the process. During an initial consultation, most mediators detail what must be accomplished and agreed to in order to reach an uncontested divorce agreement. Sometimes, one or both of the parties reconsider their desire to divorce and attempt to seek counseling to save the marriage. When couples are not sure if divorce is their objective, it should be the mediator’s responsibility not to push the couple toward divorce. Some mediators even have lists of therapists who can help a couple work on their marriage. Remember, the primary objective of divorce mediation is to assist parties who have decided upon divorce to get through the process in a non-adversarial way, not to push them into unwanted agreements.
Does mediation really work?
In a word, yes. Research has shown that, when couples who have mediated their divorce are compared with couples who went through an adversarial/litigated divorce, mediating couples are more likely to be satisfied with the process and the results. Mediation is likely to take less time, save thousands of dollars, and the agreements are honored more often than those decided by an attorney or judge.
The main advantage of mediation is that it keeps you and your spouse in total control of your divorce. This can make all the difference in the recovery time from your divorce and the ability to move on with your life. Mediation allows the two of you to get through your divorce with less conflict than you would experience in an adversarial divorce.
Advantages of using a mediator.
A mediator provides:
• Creative solutions to problems that parties may have considered impossible to resolve;
• Extensive knowledge of distribution of property and debts;
• Sensitivity about child custody, support issues and spousal support;
• A private confidential office setting to handle matters that are painful and personal rather than in public court;
• Cost savings when compared to opposing attorneys fighting it out;
• An alternative to destructive battles which have a negative impact on children and other family members.
Who do you want to make decisions that will affect you and your children for the rest of your lives?
A divorce mediator, who will listen to everything you and your spouse have to say, and will assist you in reaching a win/win divorce agreement. Through divorce mediation your agreement will be uncontested in court. A judge in a court of law will make decisions based on law, precedents, and the facts as they appear to him. He cannot know all of the extenuating circumstances about you and your children. Contact a divorce mediator to learn all of your options!
