The word “transit,” found within the word “transition,” may be defined as the act of passing over or through, and “transition” is the process or instance of passing from one form, state, or stage to another. Clearly, the word "transition" indicates motion, conversion, adaptation, and change. If you are experiencing a life transition, you know that you are on a journey, being transported from one place to another. 

When explaining concepts to my clients, I always like to use analogies because it helps turn an abstract thought into something concrete, and something one can visualize, make sense out of, and remember. Literally, think of your transition as a solo cross-country car trip. List the items you might need and ways in which you would prepare for the trip. Of course you will need gas and the money to pay for the gas. You will need to take a map and perhaps some written directions. A spare tire and tools to fix a flat will be a necessity. A flashlight, flare, and first-aid kit should be carefully placed in the glove compartment. In order to prevent boredom, you might choose some CD’s, music, or books on tape. It would be a good idea to bring some easy-to-eat snacks, bottled water, or energy drinks, and take frequent rest stops to stretch your legs (and for obvious other reasons). Naturally, you will have your cell phone for security and emergencies. Most importantly, in the planning of your trip, you would talk to someone who has been there and could advise you about short-cuts, alternate routes, points of interest, places to stay (or avoid), landmarks on your route, etc.  I’m sure you get the idea by now. To help insure a successful journey, you anticipate, plan, and prepare.

Some life transitions take you by surprise and you are unable to plan or prepare in advance. However, in some circumstances, you know change is about to occur, and at times you may actually initiate changes in your life. Some of these twists and turns in your journey are not as radical as others. The degree of difficulty of a particular transition depends on one’s predisposition, life experience, resiliency, and coping skills. A life change that is very problematic for one person may occur with relative ease for another (such as a job switch, retirement, relocation, becoming an empty-nester). The death of a spouse and divorce are life-altering experiences that cause an enormous amount of stress and adjustment, and thus prove to be very complex and challenging transitions. So, how do you maneuver your passage and arrive safely? When you begin your journey/transition, you will need to make sure that all parts and systems are in good condition and that you have the necessary tools to maneuver this passage to insure a safe arrival.
 

Tip #1  Take good care of yourself so that you have the energy to meet the challenges of your transition. Sleep, proper nutrition, exercise, and relaxation are a must. Try to maintain balance in your life, paying attention to your physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual wellness.

Tip #2  Identify your support system.  This may include friends, family, and professionals, such as an attorney, financial planner, career or divorce coach, therapist/counselor, realtor, or clergy. You can also find support groups, organizations, or associations that focus on your particular issue. Be selective as to whom you discuss matters. Sometimes loved ones are too close to a situation and may not be objective. It is also difficult for someone to see their loved one hurting, unhappy, or anxious, so they might be inclined to rush you into or steer you away from a course of action. Know who is good for what on your support team. At times you simply need someone to listen and not to comment. At other times you are looking for guidance. And then there are those times that you just need to be distracted or have a few laughs.

Tip #3  Be prepared and be aware in order to reduce the anxiety of the unknown or unfamiliar. In other words, gather as much information and knowledge as you can about your situation and your options. Attend workshops or seminars, read books/articles, and search the Internet. People on your support team can also help you to prepare and/or make adjustments. Talk to others who have experience with your particular situation. (In the case of divorce, be careful not to expect the same outcome as another. Every divorce has different variables and therefore different settlements.)

Tip #4  Don’t expect or anticipate a particular outcome.  Life will be different and you can’t predict, with exact accuracy, where changes may lead you. If you are overly optimistic, you may be disappointed. If you are pessimistic, you may sabotage your possibilities for success. Instead, try to be realistic and open to various possibilities. Know that even difficult situations may have unexpected positive results. There are some things you can control and others that you cannot. If there is something you can do to alter a situation for your benefit, then do it. If you have no control over certain circumstances (especially the behavior and choices of other people!) then don’t waste your energy worrying or trying to manipulate the outcome. Choose wisely about how you will expend your time and emotional energy.

Tip #5  Expect bumps and curves in the road.  Be confident and know that, with your awareness, support, and preparedness, you will handle them one at a time. Difficulties and challenges present opportunities for growth. Remember that no problem lasts forever.

Tip #6  Don’t try to keep or expect everything to be the same.  If you spend your energy trying to keep everything the same, you are resisting change and stifling a successful transition. To make yourself comfortable, you may choose to keep some of the familiar but embrace the new (this can refer to holiday traditions, layout of a new home, daily routines, or the way you approach your job). This can be especially difficult in the case of the death of a spouse or a divorce. There are painful as well as happy memories. Acknowledge the pain and grieve the loss in your own time. Know that with time, the depth and frequency of the pain will lessen, thus allowing you to focus on the positive, good memories. Both the pain and the joy will be woven into the fabric of your new life.

Tip #7  Be pro-active in finding or creating what you want or need. Don’t wait for people to find you or extend invitations to you. If you are new to an area, attend a homeowners’ meeting. Introduce yourself to your neighbors or co-workers. Look in the local paper for events of interest to you and, if possible, invite someone to join you. Pursue a favorite hobby, area of interest, or sport, or expose yourself to a new one. Enroll in a group or a class. Plan parties or gatherings at your house. 
 

Remember: “One certainty in life is change. Whether desired or not, it will occur.  Face it and embrace it!”

My coaching practice is designed primarily to assist clients with decision making, life transitions, and goal achievement. It is based on an educational model that provides an opportunity for you to learn. Coaching is not clinical in nature like therapy or counseling. It focuses on the present and the future with an emphasis on life improvement and enhancement.  My goal is to support men and women in transition by helping them to create a new future with confidence, peace, and direction.