It is clear that grandparents, unless they are considered harmful to their grandchildren, have a right to visit with their grandchildren. Each time that this topic arises, the answer seems to recommend a court procedure. However, none of the involved parties should have to go through the trauma or the expense of court. After all, family is still family -- divorced or not. So before retaining an attorney try the following:

First, the parties, including the grandchildren, if they are old enough, must put aside their bickering and try to meet together, perhaps with an impartial family friend. As the authors of that well-known book for mediation Getting to Yes, by Roger Fisher and William Ury advise, "separate the people from the problem." This means, let go of the personal issues of spite and punishment; look at the problem. The grandparents want to see the children; the children want to see grandparents, or should be given the right to know their grandparents.

How can this be implemented?

If, however, the problem cannot be settled within the family, a visit with a family mediator should be arranged. A mediator is an impartial person who will help each person negotiate a plan that is acceptable to all. The mediator does not act as a judge. She does not impose a solution, but helps the parties determine their own solution. In two to four hours she should be able to get everybody to focus on the issue and help to derive a schedule.