How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?

In the midst of the major change in lifestyle divorce represents, it is a fact of life that many bits of detailed information will need to be collected. It’s the kind of detail that few savor. Account numbers, face values, dates acquired . . . .  The procrastination that can surround finding out exactly how many angels there are dancing on the head of a pin comes from a combination of anxiety and a fear the results will be less than perfect. It is also sometimes difficult in the flow of making changes to feel a sense of urgency about pulling together the details needed to generate a property settlement and child support agreement. Once swept up in the larger vision of what’s to come, the nitty-gritty of getting out dusty boxes of paperwork and writing down numbers in columns may not seem very urgent. It’s more interesting to consider the new wild color you want the sofa to be or whether you want a Road King or a Fat Boy than to think about insurance policies, bank accounts, the cost of summer camp, and dental work.

Unfortunately, procrastination in angel counting can lead to unnecessary delays, more hours spent by the mediator, or even a needless sense of crisis. And ultimately, until the “numbers” are worked out, it will be difficult to make a realistic list of options for the future. In fact, that can be exactly why pulling the facts together may be feared.

However, counting the angels ultimately will be freeing. At that point the options for the future can be viewed realistically. And it is essential to complete the dissolution of marriage, property settlement, and child support plan.

Make it easier on yourselves by allotting time to do the information-gathering. Break the chore down into steps and make a checklist. Literally check each step off when it is completed. Tell another, if you need the support, what your steps are, the date by which each step will be completed, and what the reward is for completing the step. The reward can be anything from a gold star, to a movie with friends, to a bubble bath to get the dust off after getting those archives out of the attic. It’s your reward. You decide.

Couples should be realistic about sharing this job. One of you may have more time than the other to work on this chore. One of you may be nearer to the information that’s needed. A couple often has one individual more detailed than the other. It may be well-known that one is particularly afflicted with procrastination. Be realistic and don’t make this a point of contention. If one has not been bitten by the P-Bug and the other has, let the one who can move ahead do so. Both should be aware, however, that this is the material that will form the basis for how resources are distributed, and the correctness of the information is something in which both should have confidence.

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