Chinese Handcuffs

How many pairs of low-tech “Chinese Handcuffs” does anyone see around these days? They earned their name as a made-in-China novelty item frequently obtained in carnival settings.

They were ingenious little fingertip traps in which the unsuspecting would find, after placing them on his or her pointer fingers, that they would only tighten as one tried to pull the fingertips back out to freedom. What it takes to get free is to relax and to bring the fingertips toward each other and then calmly withdraw one fingertip at a time.

Divorce mediation resonates with the Chinese Handcuffs conundrum. And the legal process can be like pulling tighter and tighter, turning the fingertips white (as with anger) and getting “stucker” than ever.

Mediation is the process of looking for ways to come together on the issues that really matter so that each participant can move away in freedom and with integrity. It’s amazing that people who appeared so far apart can finally get the tumblers to click into place and unlock the gridlock on property settlement, custody arrangements, and child support issues. Mediation is not only less frustrating and stress inducing; it is also less expensive. The cost of attorneys pulling harder and harder on a set of Chinese Handcuffs is no laughing matter when individuals are already facing the costs of setting up a new household, preparing to take separate shares in assets, and assuming financial responsibility for specified child support costs.

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