Heading Off Holiday Disappointment

Each year around this time--starting a week or so before Thanksgiving and continuing through December--our phone starts ringing with calls from unhappy parents. The problem? The holiday schedule won't work, and the other parent is unwilling to help. What's next? Frantic phone calls, emergency motions, a logjam at court, runaway costs, and frayed nerves for all.

It is understandable for any parent to feel a sense of loss when their children are not with them throughout an important holiday. But when this is not possible, parents want at least to feel their children's schedule is fair, given the circumstances. Unless holiday (and vacation) schedules are drafted with extraordinary care and attention to detail, parents are likely to encounter last-minute crises that can leave everyone upset.

Over years of family law practice, we have prepared hundreds of holiday visitation schedules for our clients and their children. Along the way we have developed a lengthy and detailed checklist of specific, foreseeable issues and circumstances that arise for families at holiday time, and crafted precise language to address each issue ahead of time. When we draft visitation schedules for our clients, we use these tools to help us accommodate the needs of each individual family and create equitable, workable plans for sharing children at these special--but potentially difficult--times.

Planning ahead. To avoid holiday disappointment, parents should review existing written visitation schedules as far in advance as possible-whether such schedules were issued by a court or negotiated by the parties or their attorneys. If circumstances have recently changed in a way that could create a problem at holiday time, address the issue well in advance. Do not wait and hope things will work out.

Responding to crises. Despite planning--or in its absence--holiday visitation crises arise every year. How do we help when distraught parents call? First, we ask if there is a court-ordered visitation schedule in effect, and if there is, we find out what is wrong with it. We can illustrate the kinds of problems that come up with three real cases (but not real names).

In the first case--we'll call it the Washingtons--the court-ordered visitation schedule was inequitable. Our client, Martha, came to us three years after her divorce. During divorce proceedings, Martha had no attorney, but her husband, George, did. The court awarded George primary physical custody of the children and approved a visitation schedule drafted by George's attorney that kept the children with their father for their entire Christmas vacation every year.

Since this arrangement was unfair to Martha and her children, we filed a petition with the court to reopen and modify its prior order. In our view, George's attorney had taken unfair advantage of his client's pro se opponent. Our petition was granted, and for the first time in four years, the children spent Christmas with their mother. After that they spent alternate years with each parent.