1) I've been divorced for five years, and I have a great out-of-state job offer. My divorce papers give me sole custody of the kids, and give my "ex" visitation every other weekend. What happens when I move?
Slow down. You can't leave New Jersey with the children unless your "ex" agrees, or the Court grants permission. Doing so could subject you to sanctions. (See contempt of court FAQs.)

2) I thought sole custody gave me the freedom to do what I want?
Wrong! Try to get your "ex" to agree. Give your "ex" plenty of time with the children during the summer and school vacations. Offer to pay for, or at least share, the air fare for the children to travel to and from Texas (wherever) frequently. (Also, carefully review your divorce papers. Do you really have "sole" custody? Or do you have primary residential custody?)

3) My "ex" will never agree. What do I do?
File a motion seeking permission to remove the minor children from New Jersey, and ask the Judge to appoint a guardian ad litem right away.

4) What is a guardian ad litem?
The guardian ad litem, referred to as the "G A L" is a mental health professional or lawyer appointed by the court to speak with you, your "ex," and the children. The G A L writes the court a report with recommendations. If you and your "ex" accept the recommendations, that's pretty much the end of the case. By the way, the court will probably order you and your "ex" to pay (share the cost of) the G A L.

5) What happens if I (or my "ex") disagree with the recommendations?
You have the right to ask for a "plenary hearing" (essentially, a mini-trial) to present your case, but there are backlogs in most counties in New Jersey, so don't pack your bags yet. Also, you still owe your share of the G A L's bill.

6) What does the court look for in these cases?
You need to show the court the good-faith reasons for your move, and a plan for maintaining the children's access to your "ex." (this area of the law seems to be modified regularly, so consult your lawyer before making any arrangements to move out of state.

7) I guess I'll try mediation first, because it may take less time and money.
Right! In fact, in most circumstances, Court Rules actually require mediation. But you still need the final approval from the court, so get a written agreement through mediation for the court's approval.

8) Do the courts ever let a parent move with kids on a temporary basis?
Actually, yes. In fact, with some regularity. Sometimes courts require parties to review custody and visitation, but after you and children live outside New Jersey for more than six months, the courts here may no longer have the authority to make any more decisions.

9) What happens then?
The children's new "home state" may have acquired the authority to make custody and visitation decisions. However, BE CAREFUL. Sometimes, the original state retains "jurisdiction" (the authority) to make these determinations until the matter is resolved.

10) Even if my "ex" is still in New Jersey?
Yes.

11) Can my "ex" use the New Jersey courts to take custody away from me in my new state?
Generally speaking, no. Courts don't like people running in and out of different courts, so your old state will probably defer to your new home state after the children have been there for six months. Consult with your attorney for the answer in your specific case.

12) Okay, but assuming I get to leave with the kids now, and they get the urge to return to New Jersey when they're teenagers, what happens then?
A lot of judges talk about adolescents needing a chance to leave the primary caretaker -- you -- to live with the other parent. It happens, and you and the courts generally have to go along with the change. The Courts always look for the "best interests" of the children in these cases.

13) Will I get to see the kids?
As far as the court is concerned, yes. But keep in mind that older kids spend more time with friends than with parents.

14) That makes sense. I just don't want my "ex" bad-mouthing me, and turning the kids against me.
Of course not. Both parents should refrain from saying negative things about the other parent within earshot of the children.