Married couples seeking a divorce or legal separation had until recently only two options: attempt to reach an agreement cooperatively either alone or with the help of a mediator or hire two attorneys and file an adversarial proceeding in the court system. A new process for resolving divorces has now been developed called Collaborative Practice.

For 95% of my clients, whatever their circumstances, whatever position they find themselves in, divorce is agonizing, wrenching and life-altering. Divorcing husbands and wives are filled with emotion. Often it can feel as if the world is out of control. In my own divorce several years ago, even the fact that I was familiar with the system and understood the process did not help to control the fear and rage I felt.

Fortunately, despite these feelings, a divorcing couple does have choices that can help them control the process and the outcome. The fact that they are angry, sad, suspicious, or afraid does not mean that most couples are not capable of making good choices in how they manage their divorce. In fact, the choices a divorcing couple do make at the beginning of the process will have a huge impact on their lives. The outcome of their divorce, their future relationship and the adjustment of their children will all be affected by these early decisions and choices.

Many divorces are made worse by the very character of the adversarial legal system. Feelings of rage, anxiety and sorrow are often exacerbated by this process. This is the nature of our adversary system: one of competition and opposition. Lawyers are trained to be advocates. The traditional methods of litigation often encourage divorcing spouses to disagree and antagonize each other. Furthermore, husbands and wives, mothers and fathers are encouraged to give up responsibility for making decisions affecting their lives and those of their children. Instead courts and attorneys make the decisions that forever affect themselves and their families. These decisions are not necessarily in the best interests of the people involved and they are not necessarily made by the people best suited to make them.

Mediation developed years ago as an alternative for divorcing couples who wanted to stay out of court. In the mediation model, divorcing spouses are able to work out their own agreement with the guidance of a trained mediator. Mediation allows couples to think for themselves and retain considerable control over the divorce process. Mediation is a wonderful choice for some couples. When I mediated my first cases years ago, I was thrilled with the superior relationship that developed between divorcing spouses, allowing them to parent better and to move forward in their lives more independently. The drawback was that mediation did not work for every couple who wanted an alternative to the litigation model. For those who want or need more support throughout the process of divorce, mediation can feel scary and unprotected.

Mediation may be a good option for you if you and your spouse:

• Can communicate with each other.
• Can engage in the negotiation without a lot of support.
• Have an understanding of your financial circumstances.

Mediation may not be a good option for you if:

• There is a power imbalance in your relationship, including verbal or emotional abuse.
• There is physical domestic violence in the relationship.
• There is alcohol or drug abuse or mental illness present.

Many of my clients have found that they want to stay out of court and stay in control of their own negotiation but they are not comfortable with mediation. There are plenty of reasons why a person going through a divorce may need more support than the mediation process offers. In addition to the reasons outlined above, many of my clients just feel insecure and unprotected in the mediation process.

Minneapolis attorney Stuart Webb developed Collaborative Practice to give spouses a respectful, needs and interests based way to end marriages cooperatively, face-to-face, reducing their costs and alleviating a great deal of fear and anxiety. Clients have the help and guidance of specially trained lawyers but they stay out of court. Collaborative Practice is spreading at a steady pace throughout the country among clients and lawyers who see it as a better alternative to the destructive nature of litigation.

In the Collaborative Practice process, the clients and their attorneys agree to work together to resolve conflict and reach agreement using cooperative strategies rather than litigation and other adversarial techniques. Collaborative Practice takes advantage of lawyers' analytical skills working with both spouses to solve problems and generate creative alternatives for issues such as co-parenting, finances and living arrangements without the threat of going to court.

Mental health professionals and financial experts can be brought into the process to help clients with issues outside the law. Specially trained coaches and child specialists help the couple through the process and help them to focus on their children. Child specialists can also work with the children of the divorcing couple to help them deal with the fallout and aftermath of the divorce. The future co-parenting relationship is of primary importance in devising a plan. All the professionals are trained in Collaborative Practice so that they are able to work together seamlessly to help the couple reach the optimal solution for their family in the least stressful manner. Current studies show that the way couples divorce and their future relationship is more influential on children then the fact of the divorce itself. Collaborative professionals help divorcing families work towards successful partnerships.

Settlement that meets the needs of all the parties, including the children, is the primary focus in the Collaborative Practice process. The attorneys are disqualified from participating in any adversarial proceedings. All negotiations take place in conferences between the parties and their Collaborative professionals. Each spouse has their lawyer right by their side throughout the process, providing legal advice and advocacy and each attorney is committed to guiding the clients toward reasonable resolutions in a safe environment. The attorneys offer guidance, ideas, supervision and experience but cannot go to court or threaten to go to court. Everyone involved relies upon an atmosphere of cooperation and professionalism.

Collaborative professionals, be they lawyers, coaches, financial experts or child specialists, try to appreciate both parties and understand the family as a whole and persevere to achieve an equitable result for the family. Almost always this can mean a more positive outcome for everyone involved at lower cost, both financial and emotional. By thinking and working outside the litigation model, solutions can often be found that maximize resources for the family rather than minimize them. Collaborative professionals work toward helping people build a new family model in a positive and respectful manner so that clients move forward into their new lives in the best possible manner.