Divorce in New York: Be Prepared

To obtain an easier, faster and better overall divorce in New York requires that you should be prepared, develop a divorce plan or strategy, and become the manager of your own divorce case. Before taking any affirmative action, make a detailed, specific list of everything you want to achieve through the divorce or separation, consistent with your financial security, your children's best interests, and your life goals. You should make financial plans and custodial arrangements, and try to achieve emotional balance.

Financial Planning

1. Put your financial papers in order.

Put your financial papers in order. Critical financial papers include:
a. tax returns for the past three to five years;
b. pay stubs for the past three to five years;
c. bank statements and credit card statements for the past three to five years;
d. pension and any other retirement and employment benefits both you and your spouse are entitled to receive, including year end bonuses, health insurance and life insurance; and
e. copies of deeds to real property and statements of any mortgages or equity loans that are due

2. Keep an expense journal and save receipts

Keep a journal of all expenses with receipts, especially your children's expenses. While still married and living together with your spouse, it is advisable to save all of the receipts for major purchases and prepare an inventory of all of the property and assets acquired during the marriage. Keep a current inventory of your safe deposit box and your house.

3. Establish credit.

Try to establish personal credit relationships (gasoline credit cards, department stores and national credit car companies such as Visa, MasterCard, etc.)

4. Open a bank account in your name.

Open a new bank account in your name at a bank where your spouse does not do business. Start putting away as much money as possible, on a regular basis. Later on, when you separate, you will need to have available funds to retain a divorce attorney and to pay for your day to day living expenses in case your spouse refuses to pay for your support. If your spouse withholds financial support, it will place a financial burden on you until an application for temporary support and maintenance can be heard and decided by the court.

5. Keep inheritances and gifts separate.

Keep all inheritances and gifts separate from the marital estate. Do not put an inheritance or gift into joint names with your spouse. Do not use your inheritance money to pay for family expenses or purchases or to pay down debts. Consider repayment of family loans and upgrade your clothes and personal appearance.

6. Don't quit your job.

Do not quit or leave your job if you are employed. It is important to maintain and secure your financial independence and earn enough to maintain assets such as your home.

7. Keep your documents secure.

Make sure that your valuable documents are stored in a safe place and obtain a safe address for your personal mail.

Custodial Arrangement

1. Take care of your children.

You should spend as much time with your children as you can. Maintain a good relationship with your children's nanny, school and doctors. You should be able to show the court that you are one who primarily takes care of the children's every need.

2. Never leave your children behind.

If you want to have child custody, don't move out your family residence without the children.

3. Keep a childcare journal.

Keep a journal of how you and your spouse divide child care responsibilities, and how you interact with your children. Write down schedules of childcare.

4. Maintain the continuity of the children's life.

You should try to maintain the continuity of your children's life. If you have to move out, find a residence in a similar neighborhood, keep the children at the same school and use the same housekeeper.

5. Try to establish and maintain regular patterns of visitation.

You should try to establish and maintain regular visitation for the children and your spouse. New York courts will not let a parent keep child custody if he/she interferes with visitation and attempts to alienate the children from another parent.

6. Give your children emotional support.

Reassure your children that you love them and that the divorce is not their fault, and explain this in a way that is consistent with your children's ages and maturity level. It is best to be truthful and honest and give children simple and clear answers without blaming anyone. Let your child continue being a child. Don't say negative things about your ex-spouse - even if you feel strongly that they are true. Seek professional help for the children if needed.

Emotional Balance

1. Focus on life beyond divorce.

Remember your life is yours. Get yourself into the best shape you can. Emotional endurance and balance are necessary and powerful to lead you through the divorce in New York. You will probably feel anger at times, sorrow, fear and sadness. These feelings are completely normal, even if you are the one who chose to end the marriage. And if you allow yourself to grieve normally, you will get through the process and find yourself capable of loving again at some point in the not too distant future. Live your life and move on.

2. Get support systems in place.

Make sure you get strong emotional support and encouragement from trusted friends, family, spiritual advisors or psychologists to help you through the difficult, complex feelings that are associated with the divorce process.

3. Postpone big decisions.

Postpone life-altering decisions until you are able to think clearly about relocating or changing jobs or acquiring significant property.

4. Don't move out of your marital residence.

Do not move out of the family residence without first discussing it with your divorce lawyer.

5. Take care of yourself.

While you are taking care of the business aspects of your divorce, you must also take care of yourself. Have a medical and dental examination. If possible, undergo any medical treatments that are needed or anticipated in the near future if they are covered under your spouse's insurance.