When Divorce Is Inevitable

A divorce can be one of the most emotionally trying and difficult experiences in a person’s life. Obtaining competent and reliable information pertaining to legal and financial advice is important because it can move you in the direction of an easier, faster, and better overall divorce experience. You must be informed and educated, develop a divorce plan or strategy, and become the manager of your own divorce case.

The necessary requirements of a successful divorce include preparation on three different levels: mental, emotional, and financial. Before you start your divorce action and before you take any affirmative action, prepare yourself and think about your case, your life, and your children. Make a detailed, specific list of everything you want to achieve, including the divorce or separation, and determine if this list is consistent with your goals and values. The issues involved in a divorce action are very specific regarding finances, equitable distribution of marital assets, custodial arrangements, child support, and maintenance.

Emotional Balance

In addition to the financial aspects of divorce, one should not overlook the emotional toll a divorce may bring. Emotional endurance and balance are necessary and powerful tools in the divorce process. The following are some suggestions that may help with the process:

• Get support systems in place. To help you through this difficult time, make sure you get strong emotional support and encouragement from trusted friends, family, spiritual advisors, or psychologists.
• Postpone big decisions, such as relocation, job changes or acquiring significant property until you consult with your divorce attorney.
• Do not move or relocate from the marital residence without first discussing it with your divorce attorney.
• Do not discuss the substantive issues of the divorce or separation with your children, but if your children are old enough to appreciate the consequence of your decision, reassure them that they are not the cause of your separation or divorce.
• Take care of yourself. While you are taking care of the financial aspects of your divorce, you must also take care of yourself. 

Open Communications

Although it is not always the case, some divorces are settled by the spouses communicating directly with each other in a mediation setting where they can each express, in an amicable manner, what they want out of the divorce and not necessarily by their divorce lawyers or the court. Spouses going through a divorce will both benefit, in the long run, by keeping communication lines open, especially if there are minor children involved.

Be Aware of Your Motivations

If there are minor children, your top priority should be your children and your decisions must be consistent with their best interests, not just yours. If you realize that some of the problems you are fighting about will not matter in the future, then the same issues probably do not matter in the present moment. Therefore, let go of these issues and focus on the important ones! It is a good idea to frequently reassess your actions while going through a divorce and make sure you continue to focus and move towards your ultimate goal. Choose your battles wisely!

Consult an Attorney

Remember the often quoted slogan “knowledge is power”? Schedule a consultation with an attorney who is experienced in all aspects of New York divorce and family law and who is willing to explore strategies for your divorce case. During your initial meeting, it is wise and helpful to bring financial documents and records for the attorney to review.  Include as many of the following documents as possible:

• Recent pay stubs;
• Tax returns for the past three to five years;
• Bank statements and credit card statements for the past three to five years;
• Pension and any other retirement and employment benefits both you and your spouse are entitled to receive, including year-end bonuses, health insurance, and life insurance;
• Copies of a deed(s) to real property and statements of any mortgages or equity loans.

Remember, although the divorce process is difficult, emotional, and probably adversarial, parents should always consider the best interests of their children when making important decisions. A skilled attorney should be consulted and retained prior to any action taken on your part.

DISCLAIMER: The contents of this editorial should not be considered legal advice. The information provided in this editorial is intended to be general information and is not intended to be a substitute for a consultation with an attorney. Each case and situation is different and must be handled based upon the specific facts and circumstances unique to that case. For specific answers to questions on an individual case, it is best to consult with an attorney.