To divorce or not to divorce? That is a tough question for many couples. For couples on the brink of divorce, a planned separation can help when:

• Both spouses are uncertain as to whether they should stay married or divorce, or
• One spouse wants a divorce and the other spouse wants to stay married.

Unlike a mere trial separation, a planned separation is well thought out, so it does not have all the stress and anxiety that frequently accompany a trial separation.

Twelve issues are addressed for a planned separation, including the length of the separation, finances, and parenting time. In addition, the couple agrees on a plan to work on their marriage. The couple does not have to commit to stay married, but they do have to commit to working on their marriage during the period of separation. A mediator experienced with planned separations can assist couples in selecting options for working on their marriage. An experienced mediator will have information on programs and the names of mental health professionals who are effective at helping couples work out their marital issues.  

After the initial agreement is in place, the mediator meets with the couple once to ensure that everyone is on track. The mediator also meets with the couple at the end of the separation period to facilitate the next step: staying married or getting a divorce.  

Almost half of all couples who have experienced a planned separation stay married.  These couples find that they have a happier marriage because they were able to work through their issues.

When a couple does divorce, it is usually more amicable. This is true because all of the couple’s emotions went into working on the marriage, and at the end of the separation they know with clarity that a divorce is the right thing to do. This mutual acceptance by the couple minimizes conflict during the divorce process and causes less harm to the children.

Regardless of the outcome, a planned separation is a beneficial process for couples to go through as an alternative to an imminent divorce.