Marriage is a contract between adults,
and when it ends, the divorce matter is (and should be) just between the adults also. Yet, no parental
action has a greater impact on children. than the decision to end a marriage.
Even in times of great stress, such as a divorce proceding, parents have a responsibility
to conduct their legal affairs in a manner that will protect their children as much as possible from adult conflict. This will help reduce the potential long-term emotional and mental impacts of divorce.
At a minimum, children are entitled to the following Bill of Rights:
- Neither parent shall deny the child reasonable use of the telephone
to place and receive calls with the other parent and relatives.
- Neither parent shall speak or write derogatory remarks about the
other parent to the child, or engage in abusive, coarse or foul language,
which can be overheard by the child whether or not the language involves
the other parent.
- Neither parent shall permit the children to overhear arguments,
negotiations, or other substantive discussions about legal or business
dealings between the parents.
- Neither parent shall physically or psychologically attempt to pressure or influence the child's personal opinion or position concerning legal proceedings
between the parents.
- Each parent will permit the child to display photographs of the
other parent (or both parents) in the child's room.
- Neither parent shall communicate moral judgments to the child about the other parent's choice of values,
lifestyle, choice of friends, successes or failures in life (career,
financial, relational) or residential choice.
- The parents will acknowledge to the child that the child has two
homes, although the child may spend more time at one home than the
- The parents shall cooperate to the greatest extent practicable
in sharing time with the child.
- Each parent will permit the child to retain, and allow easy access
to, correspondence, greeting cards, and other written materials received
from the other parent.
- Each parent will respect the physical integrity of items possessed
by the child, which depict the other parent or remind the child of
the other parent.
- Neither parent will trivialize, or deny the existence of the other
parent to the child.
- Neither parent will interrogate the child about the other parent
nor will either parent discourage comments by the child about the
- Neither parent will intercept, "lose", derail, "forget"
or otherwise interfere with communications from the other parent to the child.
- Neither parent will refuse to acknowledge that the child can have
or should have good experiences with the other parent.
- Neither parent will directly or indirectly attack or criticize
to the child the extended family of the other parent, the other parent's
career, the living and travel arrangements of the other parent, or
lawful activities of the other parent or associates of the other parent.
- Neither parent will use the child as a "middleman" to communicate with the other parent on inappropriate
- Neither parent will undermine the other parent in the eyes of the
child by engaging in the "circumstantial syndrome," which
is done by manipulating, changing, or rearranging facts.
- Neither parent will create or exaggerate differences
between the parents.
- Neither parent will say and do things with an eye to gaining the
child as an "ally" against the other parent.
- Neither parent will encourage or instruct the child to be disobedient
to the other parent, stepparents, or relatives.
- Neither parent will reward the child to act negatively toward the
- Neither parent will try to make the child believe he or she loves
the child more than the other parent.
- Neither parent will discuss child support issues with the child.
- Neither parent will engage in judgmental, opinionated or negative
commentary, physical inspections, or interrogations once the child
arrives from his/her other home.
- Neither parent will "rewrite" or "re-script"
facts which the child originally knows to be different.
- Neither parent will punish the child physically or threaten such
punishment in order to influence the child to adopt the parent's negative
program, if any, against the other parent.
- Neither parent will permit the child to be transported by a person
who is intoxicated due to consumption of alcohol or illegal drugs.
- Neither parent will smoke tobacco materials inside structures or
vehicles occupied at the time by the child.
- Each parent will permit the child to carry gifts, toys, clothing,
and other items belonging to the child with him or her to the residence
of the other parent or relatives to facilitate the
child having with him or her objects, important to the child. The
gifts, toys, clothing and other items belonging to the child referred
to here mean items which are reasonable transportable and does not
include pets (which the parents agree are impractical to move about).