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About Mediation

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By Alternatives Mediation Services

Published:  July 17, 2004
  1. How is mediation different than divorce with attorneys?
    Mediation is a way of coming to agreements in many different settings, not just in divorce. Divorce mediation is an alternative to using attorneys in the divorce process. When couples are represented by their individual attorneys, most of the decision making is based upon what the attorney thinks is best for their client and what the laws pertaining to divorce are. A mediator's job is to facilitate agreements based upon what the couple wants and to present possible options based upon what the laws are. Therefore, decision making remains with the couple as to how the terms of their divorce are negotiated.
  2. How can mediation work when couples are angry?
    In many cases, divorcing couples are angry at each other, which makes the prospect of agreeing on terms of divorce seem implausible. One of the benefits of mediation is that couples are able to process their emotions as they work toward agreeing on issues. When they are able to talk to and listen to each other with a trained facilitator present, anger gets diffused and different perspectives and feelings are better understood. Often, people get "stuck," on issues because they haven't been able to understand underlying issues well enough to move forward. Mediation helps that process so couples can move forward and focus upon a better relationship in the future with each other and future partners.
  3. What about the children?
    Although is a major life change for couples and children, research has shown that children recover more quickly and have fewer adjustment problems when parents are able to remain connected and committed to providing a two parent family to their children. If divorced couples can have a sincere friendship and mutually respect and trust each other as parents, children will benefit greatly from that relationship even when parents are divorced. Mediation sets the stage for this to happen for couples whereas divorce through separate attorneys and involving the courts too often sets up an oppositional relationship with much of the anger and emotion unresolved. When divorce is set up as a "win-lose" arrangement, both walk away feeling as though they lost either financially, emotionally or both.
  4. What does it cost and how long does it take?
    Mediation is less costly in most cases than using attorneys because you are not paying two individual attorneys. You are either paying a mediation "team" or just one mediator. Since the pace of mediation is determined by the couple and their ability to come to agreements, the chances of mediation taking less time are far greater. Mediated divorce cases do not go to court unless couples cannot agree, in which case, they must go to attorneys to complete the process. There are no depositions, no interim hearings, no discovery processes and other costly procedures in mediated divorces. Couples go to mediation sessions with the intent to resolve issues, therefore, sessions are focused on certain issues. Mediation costs vary somewhat between mediators, but sessions usually cost between $175.00 and $250.00 for ninety minute to three hour sessions.
Last modified:  January 18, 2005 - 02:01 PM

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