Although you may find it incredibly difficult to believe at this particular moment in time--there is life after divorce. It is likely that you are feeling exhausted and emotionally drained and your self-esteem is at rock-bottom. The friendships in your life may have shifted as some of your previous friends were friends of both you and your husband, and inevitably you lose some of these "couple friends." You may be isolated and to top it off may be having financial difficulties as well. Don't despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you can have a happy and successful life after your divorce--you just need to identify the issues surrounding your divorce and vow to put them behind for good.
Post-Divorce
You need to take good care of yourself after the divorce, especially if you have children depending on your emotional health. To jumpstart your life after divorce, consider these tips:
- Get support from friends and family, and consider counseling or a support group if you are feeling depressed and emotionally fragile.
- If employment or finances are an issue, asses your situation realistically, and look at the resources you have available in getting such help as resume' updating, career guidance or financial counseling. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
- Sit down and make a list of your strengths and skills--remember that you were a successful human being with lots of positive qualities before your marriage, and you are still that person.
- It is imperative that no matter how contentious your divorce was that you do your best to make peace with your ex for your sake and for your children's sake. Make a conscious decision to have some fun in your new life with your children and don't allow past anger and hurt to dictate your new life. Create new, happy memories with your children that they--and you--will hold on to for life.
Your New Life
Once your life does not feel so fragile and vulnerable, sit down and honestly look at your past to discover what went wrong and what you want to do differently in your next relationship--take heart, there will be a "next" relationship. Remember to:
- Learn from the mistakes of your previous relationship--don't consider it a failure, but rather a lesson learned. No relationship can really be considered "wasted" if you came away from it with positive lessons.
- Take stock of who you really are--not who you were with your spouse. Allow yourself to remember the kinds of things you enjoyed before your marriage, and what your dreams and hopes were at that time.
- Read or study about what makes a great relationship, and think seriously about the kind of relationship you want for your future. Think about how you would like to be treated, and let go of the fears over your past--it is a new day and a new future for you.
- Work on getting your confidence in yourself and your abilities back up to a healthy level. Your self-esteem may have hit rock bottom, but the possibilities for your new life are unlimited--reach out and take a chance on a new life and a new you!
