Can I Handle My Own Divorce or Should I Hire a Lawyer?

Once it's clear that you or your spouse wants a divorce, the next step is deciding how to move forward. You'll need to think about whether you:

• can manage the divorce on your own using a do-it-yourself (DIY) approach
• want to try mediation (with or without a lawyer) to sort out any disagreements, or
• need to hire an attorney to help.

Here are some key things to consider as you figure out which path is the best fit for your situation.

Will Either of You Pursue a Fault Divorce?

When filing for divorce, spouses must give a legal reason—or "ground"— for ending the marriage. Every state, along with the District of Columbia, allows spouses to file for no-fault divorce. This option doesn't place blame on either spouse. Instead, you can simply state there are "irreconcilable differences," sometimes called an "irretrievable" or "irremediable breakdown of the marriage," depending on your state. All these terms mean the same thing: you and your spouse can no longer get along, reconciliation isn't possible, and the marriage is beyond repair. With a no-fault divorce, no one needs to prove wrongdoing. In some states, you may also base your divorce on a separation for a specific length of time.

In several states, it's still possible to pursue a fault-based divorce, which is a divorce based on one spouse's misconduct. The specific rules vary by state, but the most common fault grounds include adultery, abuse, abandonment, and alcohol and drug use. Fault-based cases usually require more time and effort, since you'll need to gather and present enough evidence to convince a judge that the misconduct happened and directly caused the breakup of the marriage.

If you're thinking about pursuing a fault-based divorce, talk to a local family law lawyer. A lawyer can assess your ability to prove the case and advise you on whether the potential advantages outweigh the extra legal fees, delays, stress, and heightened conflict associated with a fault-based divorce.

Has Your Spouse Already Hired a Divorce Attorney?

If your spouse has already hired a divorce lawyer and you've been served with paperwork, it's important to speak with your own lawyer right away. Divorce and family law rules vary from state to state, and unless you're already familiar with them, there's a steep learning curve.

Divorce is too high-stakes and emotionally charged to take on an experienced lawyer by yourself. Once your spouse has lawyered up, you need to hire an experienced attorney who can explain your rights and responsibilities and use their specialized knowledge to advocate on your behalf for the best possible outcome.

Do You and Your Spouse Have Children Under 18 and Agree on Custody and Child Support?

If you and your spouse have children under 18, you'll need to work out child custody and child support as part of your divorce. Legal custody covers who makes important decisions about your child's health, education, and well-being. Physical custody determines where your child lives and whether one parent is the primary caregiver or if the child's time is split about equally between the parents.

Parents must also agree on child support—who pays and how much. Whatever you agree on must fit your state's guidelines and put your child's needs first.

If you and your spouse can't agree on these important issues, you may need to attend mediation to try working it out. If that doesn't work, you'll have to go to court and have a judge decide for you.

Do You and Your Spouse Agree on Alimony?

Alimony—also called "spousal support" or "spousal maintenance"—is money that the higher-earning spouse pays to the lower-earning (or unemployed) spouse for a set period of time.

There are different types of alimony. For example, temporary alimony may be ordered while the divorce is still in progress so the lower-earning spouse can cover basic living expenses until the divorce is finalized. Once the case ends, the judge then decides whether to continue support under a new order. In longer marriages, the court may award long-term or permanent alimony. This usually happens when one spouse has the ability to pay and the other has little or no ability to earn. The goal is to allow the supported spouse to live as close to the marital standard of living as possible until the supported spouse remarries or can earn a decent living.

The rules for calculating alimony vary from state to state, and it can be a tricky issue. If you and your spouse can't agree on the amount or duration of support, it might be time to try mediation or talk to a lawyer before heading to court.

Do You and Your Spouse Agree on How to Divide Your Property and Debts?

When you get divorced, whatever you and your spouse built or bought together—like money, property, cars, furniture, and even debts—needs to be split. In most states, all this is called marital property and includes things you both acquired during your marriage.

If you live in a community property state, everything gets divided equally, with a 50/50 split. In equitable distribution states, marital property is divided in a way that's "fair," but might not be exactly equal.

The same rules generally apply to debts, though if one spouse spent money in ways that didn't benefit the family (like gambling or facilitating an affair), a judge might make that person pay back those debts alone.

If you and your spouse don't have much to split or can agree on what counts as marital property and how to divide it, you might be able to handle this part of your divorce yourselves. But if you can't agree, you should contact a mediator or an attorney who can represent you in court.

Deciding Whether to DIY

You don't need a lawyer to get a divorce. If your situation is pretty straightforward, you and your spouse agree on the most important issues, and you don't mind doing a little paperwork, a DIY divorce is possible.

When You Should Get Legal Help

But there are some situations when seeking legal assistance is essential, including when:

• you're involved in a child custody dispute
• you have significant assets or debts
• you suspect that your spouse is hiding assets, wasting assets, or transferring property in anticipation of the divorce
• your spouse bullies, dominates, or abuses you, or
• you and your spouse have a high level of conflict, making it impossible to communicate well and cooperate in your divorce.

Consider Mediation if You Disagree

Divorce mediation might be a good option if you and your spouse disagree on any major issue but still communicate well and are open to compromising. A trained mediator helps couples look at disagreements from a different perspective and find common ground. If you need help coming up with a negotiation strategy and want reassurance that whatever settlement agreement you reach is fair, it makes sense to also hire an attorney to work behind the scenes and guide you through the mediation process.

Collaborative divorce is another alternative to the traditional divorce process. It's similar to mediation in that the goal is to avoid court, but the specific process is quite different. With collaborative divorce, you and your spouse must both hire attorneys specially trained in collaborative law and commit to avoiding a court battle. This process can be expensive, so it's important to do some research and learn all you can about collaborative divorce before you choose this path.

Getting a Lawyer's Opinion

Whether you reach an agreement on your own or through mediation, it's usually a good idea to hire a lawyer on a consulting basis to review any settlement agreement that you've reached, or to draft a written document based on your verbal agreement. (Be aware that you and your spouse may not share an attorney.)

If you aren't sure which course to take as you prepare to tackle your divorce, keep in mind that you can usually consult with an attorney before you commit to hiring one.