Traditionally, when a couple chooses to separate, lawyers are hired and the battle begins.  A lawyer looks at his client’s “wants” and doesn’t consider the other parties involved. It doesn’t matter whether the demands are reasonable or practical.

Many times the wants are based on hurt feelings, which can lead to revenge and an attempt to hurt the other person. When a typical divorce is settled, a judge decides how to resolve the various issues, which can be very lengthy and costly. 

This might be the best avenue for some cases that are very contentious. However, there are other ways to resolve differences when a couple chooses to end their marriage.

One alternative is mediation, where a third party helps to negotiate an agreement that is acceptable to both parties. The trained mediator doesn’t provide legal or financial advice, but facilitates communication. 

Since this process usually takes considerably less time, financial costs for the divorce itself are much less. Based on the agreement in the mediation session(s), the parties reach a settlement which can be filed in court by the lawyers.

Another form of mediation is collaborative divorce. This process involves aspects of both litigation and mediation. Each party has its own lawyer. Each spouse has a mental health professional to coach them. Children also have their own coach to address their needs. Along with the legal and mental health experts, there is a neutral financial specialist to work on money issues. 

Since there are so many people involved in collaborative divorce, it may sound like an expensive process. Typically, this is not the case. These additional professionals generally charge less than an attorney. 

In starting the process, the couple agrees not to go to trial. Some collaborative divorces may end up going to court, but when this occurs both parties must hire new attorneys to represent them. The existing team cannot continue on the couple’s issues. They must start the process over.

One of the biggest differences between litigation and other alternatives is what happens after the divorce is finalized. Since the couple works together to reach a settlement, mediation or collaborative processes are healthier for all of the parties, especially the children. 

Even though the couple is no longer together, the divorcing spouses should ask themselves how life will look for them in the future. Even though divorce can be emotionally damaging, the collaborative process makes it possible for the end of a marriage to be emotionally healthy.