The Five Best Gifts You Can Give Your Children During and After Divorce

There is more to a divorce than the legal ramifications. You may believe the children “can’t hear” or “don’t know.” But most times they do know what is going on. During and after a divorce, children need to know that they can still count on both parents and that the divorce was not their fault.

(1) Respect your child’s mother/father.

Remember, your child is a part of both of you. By disrespecting the other parent you are disrespecting your child. Your child starts questioning his/her worth.

(2) Do not use your children as messengers.

If you have something to say to your spouse/ex-spouse, say it personally. Do not use the children as a go-between. Doing so challenges the children’s loyalties. They often feel they have to choose sides, causing them to experience pain and anger.

(3) Do not discuss your divorce anywhere the children might hear you.

Don’t kid yourself. Little ones have big ears. They also have a keen sense for tension. Make sure the children are nowhere around when discussing delicate or emotional matters.

(4) Do not discuss your financial problems with or in front of your children.

Children worry enough. They are already “losing” one parent and do not need the extra burden of wondering if there will be a roof over their head or if they will have food to eat. You get the picture. Don’t expose the children to grown-up concerns.

(5) Do not take out your anger with your spouse/ex-spouse on your children.

Do not use your children as the proverbial punching bag. Do not tell them “You are just like your mother/father.” Children’s self-esteem is so vulnerable at this time. They need to know they have your unconditional love.