Kramer vs. Kramer. The War of the Roses. Ivana vs. “The Donald.” Or . . .
Your parents. That nice couple from church. Your brother and sister-in-law.
Each of us has probably seen, heard of, or perhaps experienced a bitter marital break-up. And most couples would readily agree – that is not what divorce should be like. The anxiety of doing battle with a spouse over the home, savings and retirement accounts, the children – people dread these stereotypes of divorce. Does it really have to be this way?
The answer is . . . no. Now there is an alternative to costly, time-consuming litigation, an alternative that helps couples resolve divorce disputes respectfully without going to court: collaborative law.
In collaborative law, the traditional approach of bargaining from a specific position, backed by threats of litigation and court intervention, is replaced by an approach that settles cases respectfully. The approach meets the needs of both parties and the children, and still involves legal counsel, but eliminates the threat or fear of court intervention at any stage.
This dispute resolution process is based on a pledge in which both parties and their attorneys contractually agree that the collaborative-trained attorneys will not go to court. The key ingredient of collaborative law is that the negotiation between the parties takes place in four-way meetings where both parties and their attorneys are present. All parties sign a participation agreement that sets forth the principles and guidelines for collaborative family law.
The collaborative law approach to divorce is based on three principles:
• A pledge not to go to court.
• An honest exchange of information by both spouses.
• A solution that takes into account the highest priorities of each spouse and the children.
The key element of the collaborative law process is a commitment by the parties to work toward a negotiated settlement in a structured, non-adversarial setting that protects privacy and confidentiality, rather than resorting to litigation or court intervention. And even though the process is much gentler and well-received by those who embrace it, the collaborative process is not necessarily the best approach for everyone. The divorcing parties must be willing to work honestly, openly, and in good faith to arrive at a fair resolution without court involvement or intervention, and the attorneys should be specially trained in collaborative law.
Expanding the Collaborative Team
One reason the collaborative law approach is successful with most parties that choose it is because the collaborative team includes the parties and each party’s attorney, but, if required, may also include experts who are brought into the process as neutral advisors and are jointly retained by both parties.
This expanded collaborative team may include professionals from three separate areas, which include legal, mental health, and financial. Any additional professionals function in a neutral role and help guide the parties to an efficient resolution that best meets the overall interests of the parties. The mental health and financial professionals may serve on the team as coaches, child specialists, or financial consultants. This expanded team concept is particularly novel because, unlike a traditional divorce, the collaborative law approach offers a team of skilled and compassionate professionals who are all committed to the same goal, instead of drawing a line in the sand and representing adversarial positions.
The collaborative law approach is not for all parties, or for all attorneys. To be effective, however, it is crucial that the parties choose attorneys that are trained and committed to the collaborative law approach. Parties who do choose the collaborative law process benefit from a quicker, more efficient procedure, as well as a less expensive process than traditional litigation.
More importantly, however, the parties who successfully divorce with the collaborative law approach build a strong foundation for parenting and the ongoing relationship that they will share with the former spouse. Their ability to resolve future conflicts and issues is greatly increased. And the long-term consequences for children are much less traumatic than through the traditional, combative approach.
After all – while marriage is not necessarily forever, divorce usually is. The practices utilized during a divorce proceeding will set the stage for years far beyond the actual process of the divorce. Isn’t it good to know that there’s now a kinder way to prepare for that future?
