Domestic violence has been around for a long time. Unfortunately, battered and abused spouses were ignored until recent times when legislatures finally woke up and enacted laws to protect those who could not protect themselves.
No one has the right to hit another person. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should have to suffer from violence and humiliation. So why do battered and abused spouses allow themselves to be placed in a position for abuse?
There is no simple answer. However, here is a list of the most common reasons:
1. Financial dependence on spouse.
2. Lack of self esteem and depression.
3. The children.
4. The spouse has no place to go and is aware of no support groups.
5. Embarrassment over admitting failure in the marriage.
Is there help? Yes! But first you must be willing to help yourself before anyone can help you. Admitting there is a problem is the first big step. The second thing you need to do is seek advice from a member of the clergy, mental health professional, marriage support groups or an attorney in your community. Many communities offer free support groups and places you and the children can go and stay in times of crisis. Check it out, so the next time you are prepared to take the right steps for you and the children.
Most states now have domestic violence statutes that can provide a cooling off period. If you have been abused, call the police, seek medical attention, take pictures (they are truly worth a thousand words) and file a petition with your local court, police or commissioner. This will send the abuser packing for a cooling off period. However, the alleged abuser will have a hearing generally within one week, depending on service and the court system. At that time the court will decide whether to extend the time to stay away or not. Most courts can give you use and possession of your home, temporary custody of your child or children and temporary support. The Judge can often order the abusing spouse to attend anger management courses, pay interim support and stay away from schools and work.
Never use domestic violence as a way to instigate an altercation because you are trying to get your spouse out of the house. This could boomerang against you and place you on the defensive. Judges are keenly aware that there is room for reverse abuse by using the statutes solely for self gain, and to get custody of the children as the first strike in a custody battle. You could lose and so do the children.
The court generally defines a victim of domestic violence as an individual who has received deliberate, severe, and demonstrable physical injury, or is in fear of imminent deliberate, severe, and demonstrable physical injury from a current or former spouse, or a current or former cohabitant. The court can and does look at past acts of domestic violence.
Do not wait until after you have been abused, because the court is there to provide immediate relief and generally will not issue an order weeks after the incident.
When you go to court, many advocacy groups can assist you at a nominal charge or for free. If you know that you need and want a final break in the relationship and you are ready to help yourself, then contact a lawyer in your community to assist you. He can help you prepare for your trial. He understands the judicial process and can help you from making a mistake that could lead to a denial of a domestic violence order. Be prepared to have witnesses and bring photographs and medical records.
Don't become a statistic. You need to help yourself before anyone can help you. Your future depends on what you do.
