Divorce is one of the most emotionally consuming and distressing events in many people’s lives. It can wreak havoc emotionally and physically. It means loss, pain, and usually a tremendous change in lifestyle. Divorce is hard for the spouse who seeks separation as well as the divorcee. One place to consider as a source of support during separation or during and after a divorce is counseling.
A counselor can help you to manage the emotional impact of separating from your spouse. For example, it is common to experience severe grief that occurs as a result of loss. This can include prolonged shock, anger or depression. Frequently, this emotional upheaval affects functioning by impacting sleep, mood, appetite, decision making, concentration, socializing, interaction with kids or work performance. It can be helpful to have a therapist’s expertise and support in helping you to cope with all the changes, find direction, and work towards acceptance of the divorce.
Secondly, counseling can benefit you as a parent by assisting with ways to communicate with your children and gain an understanding of what they experience during and after the divorce process. Even during an amicable divorce, children may inadvertently become caught in the middle of their parents. They may also have great anger, fear, self-blame, confusion, or feel betrayed. It can be immensely helpful for you and your child to learn effective ways of talking about the changes and emotions experienced by him or her. Additionally, I have worked with many children who benefit from having a safe, private place outside of the family to talk about their feelings. While kids desperately need to express their feelings, they often feel they can’t or shouldn’t talk with mom or dad about mom or dad. Counseling allows a child to have their feelings normalized and understood during this time of confusion.
Counseling or mediation is recommended more and more frequently by lawyers and courts as a cost-effective way to manage the emotional impact of divorce. The difficulties that are mentioned here are normal, but can be overwhelming. Gaining additional help outside of friends and family does not imply weakness; rather it can be much healthier and more effective in the long run. My advice is to find an experienced therapist with whom you are comfortable to assist you during this difficult time.
