Many of your divorce clients face the issue of who pays for or retains the nanny to care for the kids once the parties are living apart. And sometimes different parenting styles exacerbate conflict in the relationship between husband and wife; but nothing is more disruptive to a family unit than the decision surrounding who will care for “Granny.”
Although my law practice is focused on estate planning and elder law, I have discovered that there are couples out there who stop speaking to one another, or are maintaining a life of marital hell, because one or both are burdened by the care of an elderly and failing senior in their home. The senior’s needs are large, but unlike the joy of having children and watching them grow and develop, hope of improvement in the elderly is slim. It takes a special couple to care for Granny, and the best comfort for caregivers is that they are affording their parents a quality of life that wouldn’t have been possible without the children stepping in. But for those who are not getting along, are contemplating divorce AND are responsible for caring for elderly parents who are living in the marital home, or who received transferred funds for safekeeping from the parent following estate or Medicaid planning, a peaceful life becomes almost impossible.
If your clients are contemplating a divorce, and if they have a senior for whom they are responsible, they must consider the following issues along with all of those issues considered in the divorce context:
Where does a senior live after the divorce if they have been living with the divorcing children for a while? If a spouse has made a contribution to the marriage that is definable, how do you calculate the contribution made by a senior to the household as a babysitter, or for improvements where the house is now to be sold and the senior needs to move out? How does your client address care for his or her parent that was previously provided by the family unit when that family unit is breaking apart? What claims would a Medicaid agency have on the cash assets of the parent that have been spent to improve the child’s home?
So, a word to the wise: If you have clients who are contemplating divorce and if one or both are responsible for an elderly parent living in or out of the home, factor your client’s issues with his or her parents into your consideration of the case, and you will help your client avoid unnecessary conflict and heartache.
These are all questions that can be answered by a consult with a competent elder law or estate planning attorney.
