Divorcing Parent's Ten Do's and Don'ts

As parents go through the emotional turmoil that is often associated with a dissolution, many times their children get caught in the middle. Often without even intending to do so, one's actions may cause the child to become embroiled in the dispute of his or her parents. Some simple guidelines to help avoid hurting the children are below. Following these guidelines will not insulate a child completely from harm during the dispute, but perhaps, it may help serve as a reminder of how a parent's behavior may affect their child during this vulnerable time in their life.

DO's

1. Do specifically tell your children that you love them.
2. Do specifically tell your children that the dissolution is not their fault.
3. Do establish positive patterns of child care from the beginning of the separation.
4. Do let your child be a child.
5. Do encourage your child to have a healthy relationship with your spouse.
6. Do establish and maintain a calm, secure and stable environment for your children.
7. Do establish and maintain regular patterns of visitation.
8. Do inform your child's teachers and/or child care providers about the dissolution and any accompanying changes in living arrangements.
9. Do include your spouse in important decisions and events in your child's life.
10. Do reassure your children that even though you and your spouse no longer love each other, you will always love and care for them.

DON'TS

1. Do not have hostile fights or arguments in front of the children.
2. Do not ask your child to choose where he or she would like to live.
3. Do not use the child for your emotional support.
4. Do not discourage visitation.
5. Do not disparage your spouse in front of the child, no matter how strongly you may feel about them.
6. Do not use your child to deliver notes, messages or communication of any form to your spouse.
7. Do not attempt to prevent your spouse's family (parents and other relatives) from having access to the child.
8. Do not allow issues of visitation to become linked to issues of support and maintenance.
9. Do not make appointments for your child (i.e. medical/dental) when they are scheduled to be with your spouse.
10. Do not hamper or interfere with your child's ability to take their clothing and possessions from your home to the other parent's residence.