As part of a collaborative divorce process, it’s not unusual for each of the spouses to work with a divorce coach, whose job is to support the spouse through the collaborative process. The coach helps the spouse consider settlement options, plan for negotiations, and manage the emotional fallout of the divorce process. Not every collaborative divorce involves divorce coaches, but if you think it would be helpful to you and your collaborative attorney hasn’t suggested it, you can bring it up yourself.
If there is a divorce coach involved, each spouse usually meets with the divorce coach between four-way sessions with the other spouse and attorneys. Sometimes, the divorce coach may attend the settlement negotiation meetings. There’s also the option of choosing one neutral divorce coach who meets with each of the spouses separately and then attends the settlement meetings to help with the negotiations from a neutral position.
If your collaborative attorney recommends using a divorce coach, the recommendation will usually come with a referral to a particular coach, probably someone the lawyer trusts and has worked with before. A collaborative divorce coach is generally trained as a social worker, psychologist, or Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), and should also have significant training in collaborative divorce.
Although most divorce coaches are therapists, it’s not the same as being in individual therapy. Your work with the divorce coach will be focused on the divorce process and on the negotiation of a legal settlement—you won’t be dealing with events in the past or with your general emotional or mental health (although you’re likely to get some benefit there too). The divorce coach is part of the collaborative team, not a therapist working with you one-on-one.
Divorce coaches aren’t required, and not everyone needs to work with a coach. But if you think the extra support would be helpful, or if your collaborative attorney recommends it, don’t hesitate to bring in a coach to work with you.
