How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: A Checklist for Success

Divorce is almost always difficult, especially when you and your spouse can’t agree on major issues like property division, financial support, or child custody. If you aren't too far apart, mediation can help you bridge the gap and find a way to settle your divorce without going to court.

If you decide to try mediation, you'll want to be fully prepared. Walking into your first session with everything organized will help you feel confident and enable you to reach a fair outcome as efficiently as possible.

What to Bring to Mediation

An experienced mediator will likely provide you with a list of items to bring to the first session and explain how the day will proceed and what to expect. The mediator may even ask you and your spouse to submit specific documents electronically in advance of the mediation.

Here’s what most mediators will ask you to bring, plus some additional items that might help:

• Directions and parking information. If your mediation session is going to be in person rather than online, ask the mediator about the best parking options and map out your route to the office so you can get there on time.
• Your calendar. Be ready to discuss your calendar in case you need to schedule mediation follow-up sessions or other appointments.
• Court documents. Create a file with all documents that have been filed with or required by the court.
• A list of assets, debts, and other marital property. List items like vehicles, bank accounts, property, valued personal items, credit card debt, and loans to help with property division discussions.
• Financial statements. Gather paperwork from the last few years from all your accounts, including bank statements, credit card account documents, loan documents, and any other financial information like tax returns.
• A list of key topics that matter to you. Write down important issues you want to discuss so you don't forget them during negotiations, such as birthday and holiday visitation schedules.
• Payment. Unless you’re using free mediation services (for instance, some court-ordered mediation), you’ll need to pay the mediator. Ask ahead of time about payment options and make sure you and your spouse agree on how to split the cost.
• Food and drinks. Mediation can take several hours and may leave you physically and emotionally tired. Get good sleep the night before and bring lunch, snacks, and plenty of water.
• The right mindset. Bring patience, an open mind, and a clear understanding of your values and your legal rights and responsibilities.

What to Be Ready to Discuss in Mediation

Your mediator will create a list of topics to cover during your session. Although every mediation is different, you should be prepared to discuss:

• Marital property division and debt allocation. You'll determine what property you jointly own and what property belongs to each spouse individually. Then you'll decide how to split the marital assets fairly.
• Retirement account division. Besides your home, retirement accounts are often a couple’s largest asset. Dividing 401(k)s, 403(b)s, pensions, and other retirement accounts is complicated. In most cases, you’ll need a special court order called a “Qualified Domestic Relations Order” (QDRO) to divide these accounts without tax penalties. You might need to hire an expert or QDRO preparation company to create an order for you.
• Spousal support. If you want spousal support (also called “alimony” or “maintenance”), review your income and expenses before your mediation session. A divorce attorney can help you understand your state’s laws about spousal support payments.
• Child custody. Learn the basics about child custody law before your mediation session. Mediation gives parents control over their custody arrangement, but it's an emotionally charged topic.
• Child support. Your mediator should know the state guidelines for child support and will use the formula to calculate a proposed amount. Be ready to discuss any special expenses for your child, such as medical costs or fees for camps and extracurricular activities, as well as child tax credits.
• Insurance coverage. Be prepared to discuss all insurance policies you have, including medical, life, vehicle, and property. Health insurance often becomes a major issue when couples divorce, so make sure you're ready to talk about how each of you will get coverage.
• Future communication. The mediator will help you work out what happens when someone doesn’t follow the agreement, how you’ll share tax information, who will pay legal expenses, how to solve future disagreements, and the best ways to communicate going forward.
• Other unique issues. Think about any additional issues specific to your family that could cause disagreement now or later. Talking about them during mediation can help prevent future problems.

Wrapping Up Mediation

At the end of your mediation, you’ll hopefully have reached an agreement on most or all of the major topics for your divorce. Your next step will be to memorialize it in a written divorce settlement agreement and file it with the court. Many divorce mediators help their clients prepare the settlement agreement and leave it to them to file it with the court. Your agreement only becomes a legally enforceable court order after it's signed by a judge.