Hire a Child Custody Expert
There are many items to think about and consider as you prepare
for a custody dispute. But the absolute first step is to hire the right lawyer,
with the right experience, knowledge and training - specifically in custody
matters.
There are lots of divorce attorneys out there, but they don’t
all have the same experience in custody issues. Some divorce attorneys actually
avoid custody altogether. Hiring the right custody lawyer is probably the most
important action you can take. Without the right lawyer, nothing seems to work
out as well - no matter how much work you put into your case.
You may want to get recommendations from your family
attorney, friends, and/or local and state bar associations. And you may have to
meet with a few different attorneys to find the one that’s the best fit for you
and the custody issues in your case. For
example, if your case involves an international custody dispute and the Hague
Convention, you should hire an attorney with experience in those matters.
Create a Child Custody Checklist
Once you have your lawyer on board, you should prepare a
list to help you organize the rest of the items you need to consider. Your list
should be addressed to your attorney and labeled “attorney-client privileged
communication,” so that it’s protected from “discovery,” meaning the other side
won’t be able to ask you for a copy of it.
Your list should cover the following items:
- Make a
list of the other person's weaknesses, particularly in the realm of
parenting. The other person is usually your spouse or former spouse, but
may be grandparents, foster parents, siblings, or even the State.
- Make a
list of the other person's strengths. This is really important. It’s too
easy to concentrate on the other person's weaknesses and what they do
wrong -- here we want you to list what they do right.
- Make a
list of your own strengths.
- Make a
list of your weaknesses. Be brutally honest. Only you and your lawyer will
see this list.
- List
the strengths in your present position from the view of the judge,
including your job, finances, any help from your parents.
- List
the strengths of the other person in his or her present position.
- Decide
if you should be the first to initiate the custody suit or motion.
- Write
out a draft “custody plan” (sometimes also called a “parenting plan”).
List everything that you want as if you will be able to get everything
that you want -- you won't get everything, but making this list is a good
start.
- Make a
list of the negotiable points in your draft custody plan (it’s fine to
give this to your attorney, but you shouldn’t let the other side know what
your negotiable points are).
- Make a
list of your bargaining chips.
- Decide
if you should start negotiating with your ex-spouse or ex-partner to work
out a temporary custody plan and then possibly settle the case.
- If you
can’t work out a plan with your child’s other parent, prepare for court.
- Find
out what criteria your local family court looks at when awarding custody.
- Find
out if your judge has specific prejudices (blond hair, women or men,
successful women, athletic-looking men, etc.).
- Find
out if the other person is using alienating strategies.
- If the
other person is using alienating strategies, put into effect a plan to
counteract these strategies.
- Document
any instances of alienating strategies (e.g., keep a calendar or journal).
- Decide
if the other person may make false allegations in court. What would they
be?
- Decide
how to refute any false allegations.
- Make a
list of witnesses that you have to refute potential allegations.
- Write
down, for each witness, how they should dress and act in court.
- Decide
how you should act in court.
- Choose
the clothes you will wear in court.
- Decide
if this is the right time to start dating.
- Decide
if this is the right time to move in with your new significant other.
- Make a
list of the marital assets.
- Include
in the list when and how each asset came into the marriage.
- Calculate
how much insurance is in force that would go to you and your child.
- Calculate
how much insurance you and your child actually need.
- Decide
who will pay for your child’s medical coverage.
- Write
down the education plans for your child and yourself.
- Make a
list of your future potential earnings.
- Think
about what could happen to increase or decrease your future earnings
potential.
- Make a
list of the other person's estimated future income.
- Write
down any special earnings potential of the other person.
- Decide
if your child is being bribed.
- If
yes, decide on a course of action to counteract these bribes.
- Make a
list, by subject, of the important things you have not told your lawyer.
You don't want any surprises in court. List arrests, bankruptcy, affairs,
fights -- everything!
- Consider
if there is a sickness or disability involved.
- Make a
list of any of the ways that you can help control legal costs.
- Decide
what to do if the other person wants to relocate.
- Decide
if you may want to relocate, now or later.
- Decide
if you need a custody evaluation to help your case. Ask your lawyer
whether a custody evaluation might be helpful.
- Hire
the right custody evaluator. Get recommendations from your lawyer,
friends, etc.
- Decide
if the other person is trying to "get your goat."
- Consider
how it would help the other person if you did get angry.
Resources
Excerpted from, the Experts'
2004 Complete Custody Help Kit, by Dr. Barry Bricklin and Dr. Gail
Elliot.